Category: Motivation

Podcast Guide for the Zoom H4N Pro | Settings and How To Use

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As a stand-up comedian, I find it silly how so many people over-analyze their podcast. 

Just like a YouTuber that knows about light and shadow can use an iPhone to make a killer video, I don’t get why we need to go into crazy fancy studios to record a podcast that at first will be heard by 4 people. 

For solo podcasts, all you need is a tiny tripod or stack of books and the zoom to tilt up towards your face. 1L bottle is shown for scale, windscreen helps make the sound a little more studio-like. Tripod is Manfrotto but you can use any tabletop tripod for like $25. See YouTube link below using this setup.

When you get to 1,000 downloads, by all means, you can up your game but most people put so many hurdles in front of them instead of just talking about interesting stuff and getting comfortable on the mic.

People who start podcasting will first do unnecessary things like:

  • setting a meeting time with their co-host,
  • booking a studio,
  • buying what Joe Rogan uses,
  • stressing on technicals,
  • spending months chasing down one guest
  • hiring an editor when they are one tutorial away from doing it themselves,
  • and not realizing that before all of that they need to know that content is king, distribution is queen and she wears the pants.

I had about 250,000 listens on my first Soundcloud podcast (now acquired by Audible), done in my living room and dining table and I probably got 4 messages in TOTAL over 7 years about echo or background noise. 

However…since most people will ignore what I just said and think that gear is everything, the good news is that you can STILL record your podcast near radio or studio-quality audio at home.  Often times in a room that isn’t even soundproof, assuming you know what you’re doing. 

And if you know what you’re doing, you’ll likely come across the Zoom H4N.  

You’ll get 90% of studio-quality sound for $200 as opposed to $20,000 and nobody on YouTube or iTunes would really know the difference. 

Note: I’m using the original H4N in this post which is pretty much the same as the H4N Pro, so this tutorial should work fine. If you find a difference comment it below but the menu items and form factor are pretty much identical.

What is the Zoom H4N PRO?

What is the Zoom H4N? The Zoom H4N is one of the best 4 track audio recorders on the market but also one of the ugliest and most confusing, non-stylish digital recording products out there.  

Everything it offers has a purpose, but it’s definitely not plug and play and has zero design appeal when first looking at it.

You need the manual and THEN some to really understand how to use the thing, even in a simple configuration.  

But once you figure it out, boy is it extreme bang for your buck. 

It’s one of the industry-standard sound recorders, used for: 

  • indie film production, 
  • live recordings, 
  • VLogs
  • music recordings and of course…
  • podcasting.  

In fact, I think it’s amazing for podcasting BUT I had no clue how to use it properly my first two years.

And Zoom doesn’t really hand old you through it because, for whatever reason, they want to keep it difficult and think a beginning YouTuber or podcaster is going to know or care about: 

  • low cuts, 
  • frequencies 
  • Audio capture directions
  • Multi-channel inputs or 4 channel recording (which is awesome once you crack it). 

Just like your DSLR or iPhone has 99 features you may not use outside of games and making videos/phone calls, the Zoom can do a ton of which you won’t really need at first. 

And just like how many of us first got a DSLR and were like “Why are all the pictures blurry” when we didn’t realize how the technology worked…the Zoom recorder has its own nuances.  

But for podcasting specifically, I’ll explain how you can use it here.   

If you want me to cover something else, like how to edit your files, master your audio, sync your tracks from the Zoom, talk about the 4-channel mode or whatever the best settings are for other configurations..let me know! 

Why You Need the Zoom H4N over the Blue Yeti or Other Plug Into Your Laptop Mics

The zoom records onto an SD card and it can run on batteries OR plugged in power. You can’t lug the Blue Yeti AND A LAPTOP to every podcast setup, and the Zoom is also used on top of your camera, at live events to take audio from the DJ’s console and much more.

It’s like a mini recording studio which is why most people prefer it OVER other devices than require separate storage or computers to be compatible with. I also hated it too and told my best buddy to buy the Yeti instead which is great if it only ever sits at your desk (like people who do YouTube tutorials only).

At my dining table, using the H4N built-in microphone which I think sounds great. And my H4N is about 5 years old. Tripod and foam cover are the ones in the image above. Notice how my voice changes as I tilt my head back away from the mic. This is also my living room in my apartment so no noise proofing is done. This is the Solo podcast setup.

How to Use the Zoom H4N for a Solo Podcast

If you’re a Bill Burr or Chris D’elia type who needs to simply podcast or talk to your audience/listeners at your dining table or bedroom (no bathrooms please), OR are recording a VLOG type podcast and need better audio, the Zoom is amazing.  

Ditto for those folks who want to discuss the news, talk about food, motivation, fitness, business, politics or whatever. 

To use the H4N for a solo recording, all you have to do is:

  1. Turn it on. 
  2. Set the Input mode to Mic by pressing the button that says mic.  It should actually default to this so you probably don’t even need to press this.
  3. This captures your voice from the two tiny silver/black mics on top of the device so make sure the entire device is pointed up towards your face.
  4. Press record ONCE and start testing the meters by talking (those moving bars that appear as you talk). Yes you’ll have to turn the device back around to see the display meters, then turn it back so the mics face you.  (see images/recordings in this post).    
  5. Move the rec level buttons (on the right) of the device as you’re talking until the meters go to about 60% of the way up.  I’ve also recorded up until 75 just fine assuming nobody is going to shout. Once you feel you’re good (or just keep it at 55-60 rec level if it’s just an intimate conversation between you and the listeners).  
  6. Hit the record button again (you’ll see the counter/timer display starting to move) to start recording. 
  7. Don’t touch the device at all until you’re done recording. (you’ll get weird sounds). 
  8. Press stop when you’re done recording.
  9. Press play to hear your file back from the device’s tiny speaker, plug in headphones OR just take out the SD card and play it from your laptop.

In the YouTube clip above I was recording at about level 50-60 and then just used the podcast filter on Adobe Premiere to boost the audio.

SETUP:

  • Small tripod (I’m using the Manfrotto linked at the end of this post)
  • H4N on top of it, positioned between 6 to 12 inches from your face. 
  • Guy or gal talking in front. 
  • That’s really it.  Can run on battery or use the adapter and plug it in.

GEAR:

  • Small Tripod or Stack of Books.
  • Zoom H4N
  • A foam cover/hiss cover to avoid lip-smacking sounds and harsh S type sounds when you say words like sophisticated. 

RECORDING CONDITIONS

  • Quiet house (although you can fix minor noises like an air conditioner or fan simply in Adobe Audition, Premiere or Audacity it is better to have it quiet.)
  • Don’t tap the table or keep elbows on it (the one your recorder is on). 
  • Don’t keep glasses of water on the table, your guests will make noise and the vibrations will get picked up by the recorder. 
  • Don’t touch the device or move it until you’re done recording, otherwise, you’ll have to edit out unwanted sounds. 
Using the H4N (not pictured, but near our feet). Notice at 0:29 before he says “SO” how the mic rattle sounds appear.  That’s the main reason you want to keep your mic on a stand as a lot of guests will get excited and keep moving, and that sound is super annoying to someone listening at the gym with headphones. But if we used the dining table behind us (same one in the images and clips above) and just kept the mic on two $10 stands, we’ be fine, as long as guests don’t tap the table or put coffee cups or water bottles on it.

How to Use the Zoom H4N for an Interview Podcast

A lot of people who are new to podcasting will end up having guests and running an interview show in whichever niche they belong to.  

So if you’re in the wedding or meditation niche, you’d like interview wedding planners, photographers, yoga teachers, life coaches, etc… If you’re a new stand up comedian you’ll probably try to interview more successful comedians. 

The goal with podcasting is to aim up, so for example if you have 5,000 Instagram fans you want someone who has 10,000, etc… And the easiest way to do that is to get guests who love talking about themselves.  And since they’re talking, you’ll need to get some decent non-echo-ish audio. 

The most famous podcast currently I assume is the Joe Rogan podcast and you don’t need that quality to interview the top Facebook Ads expert in your city or the leading app developer in your town. 

For Joe’s guests and his audience, yes..you will need shock-absorbing boom microphone stands and the SM7B microphone…but again…if you’ve never podcasted before or are less than two years in you’re just wasting your money. 

To use the Zoom H4N to interview a guest, you can use the built-in microphone (less optimal) or two Shure SM 58 microphones plugged into the H4N (my favorite for which I record my podcast on).  

My wife and I sitting at the corner of a dining table. If you and your guest are using the built-in microphone (I put a foam cover on top, but it’s not required), ideally sit close to each other like this so both of you sound decent. Sound sample from exactly this picture below.
The audio file we recorded from the image above! Notice how each of our voices tilt towards one side (you can fix that easily in your podcast editing software like Adobe Premiere or Adobe Audition). Yes, I know Premiere is for video but I just edit my podcasts there also.

How to Record a Podcast Interview with the H4N with the built-in mic

To use the H4N for an interview recording with the built-in mic, all you have to do is the same steps for a solo podcast as above, but with one major seating arrangement:

  1. Turn it on. 
  2. Set the Input to Mic but pressing the button that says mic. 
  3. Press record ONCE and start testing the meters (those moving bars that appear as you talk).    
  4. Move the rec level buttons (on the right) of the device as you’re talking until the meters go to about 60% of the way up.  I’ve also recorded up until 75 just fine assuming nobody is going to shout. Once you feel you’re good (or just keep it at 55-60 if it’s just an intimate conversation between you and the listeners).  
  5. Sit with your guests at the corner of a table or next to each other where you can both be close to the microphone.  (see image above)
  6. Hit the record button again (you’ll see the counter starting to move) to start recording. 
  7. Don’t touch the device at all until you’re done recording. (you’ll get weird sounds). 
  8. Optional: Adjust the mics on top by twisting either of them to set the audio field to 120 although it won’t make too much of a difference. (e.g. if there were 3 of you trying to all talk into it).

SETUP:

  • Small tripod (I’m using the Manfrotto linked at the end of this post)
  • H4N on top of it, positioned between 6 to 12 inches from your face. 
  • Both of you in between the mic. 
  • That’s really it. 

GEAR:

  • Small Tripod or Stack of Books.
  • Zoom H4N
  • A foam cover/hiss cover to avoid lip smacking sounds and harsh S type sounds when you say words like sophisticated. 

RECORDING CONDITIONS

  • Don’t MOVE THE MIC to make it easier for either of you! Nail this first! You will be tempted to continuously move the device when either of you talk about DON’T!
  • Quiet house (although you can fix minor noises like A/C simply in Adobe Audition, Premiere or Audacity)
  • Don’t tap the table or keep elbows on it (the one your recorder is on). 
  • Don’t keep glasses of water on the table. 

How to Record a Podcast Interview with two external SM58 Microphones 

This is my favorite setup and the one I’m using in the video with the bald dude above (India’s best Psychiatrist) as well as currently for all my podcasts, including this one with Alicia below.

I’m going to cover this one backward, showing you the gear we use first and then explain the setup. You can use literally any mic you want as long as it has XLR or quarter-inch support to plug into the ports below the device but I advise you to get the SM58 (I’m using two that are literally 10 years old here).

Same setup as the one with the bald dude, but we went with $10 stands as opposed to holding the mic. Notice when it starts how the H4N has the two mic’s cables plugged in at the bottom.

The SM 58 is the industry workhorse microphone that Grammy winners STILL use.  You can google for plenty of comparisons but at $99 it’s all you need to sound like a pro, or you can even use a cheaper Chinese one with the exact same specs.  Any concert, any bar, any comedy show, any jazz club people will most likely be using SM 58s. It’s literally everywhere. Singers and comedians and everyone uses it.

SETUP:

  • H4N plugged into a power source using the included adapter
  • Comfortable table, sofa or studio where both of you can chat and talk facing each other or side by side. 
  • Decent distance from walls so your wires can reach an AC outlet and also your mic cables have room to extend. 

GEAR:

  • Zoom H4N
  • Two Shure SM 58 Microphones or Chinese Equivalents (around $99 or the Behringer is literally the same thing for $20). 
  • A foam cover/hiss cover to avoid lip smacking sounds and harsh S type sounds when you say words like sophisticated.  I’m using a blue one above and Alicia is using the foam cover from all the other images in thi post.
  • Two XLR cables, either XLR to XLR or XLR to Quarter Inch. 
  • Two foam covers for the top of your mic’s. (We forgot to use them above in the meditation video). 
  • Advised ($15 table top mic stands which helps as guests tend to move microphones a lot). 
  • Advised: Headphones to monitor the voices at least in the beginning.  

RECORDING CONDITIONS

  • Don’t MOVE THE MIC to make it easier for either of you! Nail this first!
  • Quiet house (although you can fix minor noises like A/C simply in Adobe Audition, Premiere or Audacity)
  • Don’t tap the table or keep elbows on it (the one your recorder is on). 
  • Don’t keep glasses of water on the table. 

To use the Zoom H4N to record a podcast interview with two external microphones:

  1. Plug the H4N into the wall adapter and wall outlet (or use batteries but you’ll drain them fast). 
  2. Plus the TWO XLR cables into the the two microphones.  Plug the other end into the two bottom ports at the bottom of the Zoom H4n device. (it doesn’t matter which one goes where). 
  3. Turn the microphones on (a common issue is one person didn’t turn their mic on and the whole recording is wasted). 
  4. Tap 1 or 2 button (doesn’t matter, you’re just telling the device to use either of those as the microphone source, not the built in mic at the top of the device which you used in solo mode). 
  5. Tap 1. 
  6. Tap the record button to turn on the mic. 
  7. Whoever is holding the microphone that is plugged into port 1, start talking and adjust the rec level (side device) until it goes to about 45-50 percent. 
  8. Repeat steps 5 to 7 but this time Tap 2. 
  9. Once your happy with your levels, hit record again to start recording. 

If you’re not seeing one bar go up but rather two, OR you want both bars to go up when either of you talk…read on. 

Mono Mix, ½ Link and Settings

When two people talk into two microphones, most audio recorders will give you one file, with two tracks (a left channel and a right channel).  Using any simple software like Audacity or Adobe Audition or Premiere you can easily split those up.  

If you don’t know what I’m talking about or don’t care about editing much, you should use Mono Mix to put everything in one audio file.  I used this a lot because I don’t interrupt my guests too much and there isn’t a need to isolate the audio of his/her mic from mine. But oftentimes you might if you have too many guests and a lot of chatter (or you can hear a dog barking in the back of your mic while your guest is talking into a mic that isn’t grabbing the dog sound). 

Don’t worry, Mono Mix doesn’t mean you have a lower level recording, it just means the device blends both your mic’s together so you don’t have to. 

To Turn On Mono Mix:

  1. Press the Menu button on the side of the device.
  2. Then use the jog wheel on the right side of the device to scroll down to Input. 
  3. Press the jog wheel on Input. 
  4. Scroll down to ½ Link and press the jog wheel on ½ Link.  
  5. Scroll down to On and press the jog wheel on it. 
  6. Scroll down to mono mix (you know how to use the jog wheel now right?) and turn it on. 

Now repeat the above steps on how to use the H4N with two microphones and when you get to steps 5 to 7 you should see both meters moving.  

In case you don’t see these buttons or options try turning off stamina mode behind your battery panel.  Often times phantom power or plug-in power are also causing some issues. 

Or just comment below and I’ll help you out!

Still using my 2011 Zoom H4N (that is beaten up in 2020) and the built-in Adobe Premiere H4N preset to quickly master the audio.

Common Mistakes: 

  1. Your headphones are plugged into the external mic port (the one labeled EXT mic on the back of the device, at the top) instead of the headphone jack which is on the left of the device which says line/headphone icon. 
  2. Stamina mode being on or off his hiding certain features you can’t get to (like changing to MP3 from WAV recording formats). 
  3. Phantom Power or Plug-In Power is not on or off which is not letting your lapel or lavalier mic work. 
  4. Your lapel or lavalier mic has only 2 black stripes on it as opposed to 3 which might affect if it’s compatible with your device as explained here. 

Amazon Links to Products I’d recommend:

Zoom H4N (Duh)

Foam Cover and Windscreen

Shure SM58 (Buy one first and make sure you like the setup)

The Shure SM7B Professional Podcast Mic (you don’t need it but if you got the cash it’s a beast)

Manfrotto Pixi (Don’t buy the Newer more expensive Evo, it’s got some bad reviews but this one is a star) and can even handle a heavy DSLR.

XLR Cables (one for each mic)

CONCLUSION

So are you an H4N expert now?

Trust me, it’s one of those devices that is super complicated initially but after 1-2 days, it will save you a lifetime of hassle.

Think of all the time and money you’ll save on driving to a studio, waiting for an editor and paying for those services when instead you could do the number thing podcasting is all about…creating!

Tell me your Zoom H4N pain points below!

Read Next: For our India readers, check out the Best Indian Podcasts also on this site.

how to make friends 30 and single

How to Make Friends after 30

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When I was 21 I was embarrassed to say I wanted a girlfriend.

When I was 22 I was embarrassed to say I was lonely.

When I was 23 I was embarrassed to try online dating.

When I was 25 and moved to India, I was embarrassed to say I didn’t have any friends.

Looking back I realize…wow, why was I embarrassed? I was pretty much everyone else.

School Hands You Friends on Silver Platter

I got an email from someone the other day asking me:

How do i make friends in a new city, when everyone is seemingly so busy on their phone? it’s really difficult it seems.

What a great question.

I’ve been there, and if I move back to California…I’ll probably be there again.

I mean I’ll have my wife, but it’s important everybody has a balance right?

Colleges are probably changing their business model now that all the information is online, and if they’re smart they’ll play on the fact that the real value proposition is that you’re part of a massive group all trying to do the same thing.

Ditto for places like Infosys and Wipro…the appeal of leaving college alone again, and then getting sent to a campus of 10 weeks training with a bunch of other 22 year-olds, is probably a very appealing offer.

In fact, we all know people who met in an IT or corporate batch and then got married.

A Batch for your match ahhh?

Priya Prakash Varrier Wink GIF from Priyaprakashvarrier GIFs

You Will Find Yourself Lonely Again Every 5 Years

Just like a million inspirational memes have told us that life is about constant learning, I’d like to add that life is about constantly meeting new people. And rather than being set in your ways with the same 10 people you know, talking about the same pointless sports or politics or celebrity gossip…maybe it’s also constantly making better friends.

Whether you’re:

  • In a new city
  • Finding yourself as the unmarried one when all your friends are settling down
  • Just broke up with someone and life seems to be starting over
  • Or somehow just finding yourself in need of a new social circle

You’re always going to need to know how to make new friends.

When you’re 20, when you’re 30, probably when you’re 80.

People who have friends may live longer, and continuously knowing how to expand our circle is a part of the human condition.

Making friends is something we assume only children need to learn. But now that I’ve explained we’ve all been where the reader is, and many of will be there again…here’s something we all have to accept:

You Need to Continuously Grow Your Friendships in Order to Continuously Grow Yourself

It’s part of assimilating into the world, and later it gets transformed into this sad word called “Professional networking” which has its place but still needs a makeover in our digital revolution.

When I moved to India, I knew nobody. I was lonely, and for the first time in my 25-year-old life…I was more than happy to admit it.

When you’re in a new city, the stigma of admitting your despair in the typical human condition isn’t so serious and it’s ok do things like:

  • Say You’re Lonely
  • Go to bars or movies alone
  • Meet people online
  • Sign up for activities, find hobbies, etc…
  • Start stand up comedy in an empty bar of two people…and now you see the comedy scene we have today.

To be honest, the ability to be alone in a new city withourt fear of judgement is incredibly liberating.

We think of all of that stuff as lame or childish as we get older yet all of us are probably lonelier than we’ve ever been. I don’t even need to put a stat out there, you know most of us are faffing on our phones when we’re in a metro or in a cab and a lot of it is just COMPLETELY POINTLESS.

I mean hell, even Tinder and Bumble now are trying to simply match people up as Friends. WTF?

So How Do I Make Friends When I need to after college?

Here’s what I love about this problem. You’ve already admitted you want to meet people, so the hard part is over. Now you can do any of the following:

  1. Sign up at your local gym and sign up with a trainer. Then after do 30 minutes of walking or take a cardio class.
  2. The classic sit at the hotel bar chatting with the bartender and whoever else is there. (for businesspeople)
  3. Take up a hobby like photography or stand up comedy and join a meetup.
  4. Start a side hustle like blogging *Cough* and find people in your new city who are doing similar things.
  5. Take a foreign language class in your new city.
  6. Volunteer for the next work event like a choreography of the employee dance or event planning.
  7. Do your evening laptop work in the hotel lobby or coffee shop or lounge.
  8. Take a local hip hop or Zumba class (also at the gym).

These are some suggestions, but did you notice anything from the above list? All of those things are win-win, because even if you don’t meet a buddy or soulmate or even just an acquaintance….you’re going to be a better person for whatever skill you picked up. And as you start meeting more and more people, you’ll slowly start to also meet yourself.

CONCLUSION

Is it harder to make friends outside of college or a social environment like an entering batch of a massive corporation?

For sure.

Bars and clubs sadly monopolize the whole meeting strangers thing, but if every grocery store was like Black Friday with pushing and shoving and dirty bathrooms to fit one person…would you honestly be there? Or would you just order your food in?

There’s a reason older folks beyond 30 go to clubs less and less…not because they’re too good for it, but they realize there are way more effective ways to meet people.

The bad news is that it does require you to forget a lot of the things you learned.

But the good news is that the friends you make after 30 are the ones with similar passions and motivations that is ultimately going to help you meet the greatest best friend of all…yourself.

working from home is horrible

Is Working from Home a Good Idea?

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If you’re under 30 please don’t work from home.

When I was 22 and working at a large software company that *cough* made an antivirus software by a guy named Norton *cough*, my friends and I discovered something very strange.

Nobody was giving us work.

I mean we had a few small tasks, but we weren’t knee-deep in some crazy code stretched beyond even our craziest computer science classes.

Instead, we had small scripts to write or little work here and there, and a LOT of free time to chat on MSN. In fact, we all used to brag about who did less work that day and got paid for it.

I did like 3 hours of work last week, so awesome.

22 Year old Sanjay Manaktala

Was it awesome Brad?

working at boeing
When you spent years 22 at 25 at Boeing doing nothing but updating PDF documents nobody reads.

Negative Effects of Working from Home

Working in your pj’s for a young person can be career suicide and although you may not care about your employer, it’s also bad for business.

I’m all for work-life balance, but if you want to make your mark in the world, you need to know one thing:

It’s ok to be average, but it’s not ok to treat yourself averagely.

For most of us who can relate, i.e. didn’t have much money growing up and now just want to use some of that income to party, travel, date people and experience the good life, I get it.

I really do.

Do it man, do it. You’ve earned this time to coast, and it’s nice that the only accountability you really have is to just answer your emails on time.

But I also wish I had a mentor when I was younger who would grab me the by shoulders, shake some sense into me and tell me: “YOU NEED TO BE PRODUCTIVE AT THIS AGE BEFORE YOU SEE YOUR LIFE LOSING ALL MEANING BY 30!”

For a lot of people in big fat fortune 500 corporate life, a good chunk of their career progression might be:

  • Wow, nobody is giving me work, this is awesome.
  • Wow ok, I’m bored, what else can I do with my time.
  • Ok, I’m just going to do the bare minimum to continuously get promoted and spend money on things and hobbies I enjoy.
  • Ok, I hate my job but I’m 33 and where else will I go with the skills only this job seems to appreciate, plus I have a good thing so why ruin it.

And that is a one-way ticket to mediocre.

You’ll have kids, you’ll enjoy the house and the BBQ’s and vacations and frequent flier points..but deep down, you’ll know it’s all built on a lot of fluff that you yourself can’t say with pinpoint accuracy…”I MADE AN IMPACT WITH MY WORK.”

WHY DO RICH KIDS MAKE THE WORLD BETTER?

Bill Gates dad was a well to do lawyer.

Mark Zuckerberg parents are a dentist and a psychiatrist.

Jeff Bezos took $300,000 from his parents who clearly had it lying around.

Elon Musk I’m sure didn’t grow up using socks.

Do you notice anything? I’m not saying they’re all spoiled brats who got lucky, I’m simply saying they weren’t motivated by an easy $100,000 in a 9 to 5 as the final goal.

Because they knew, probably from their parents and families…that your life has to mean more than that.

Is Working from Home Right for You?

I understand that they’re some very obvious perks of working from home. But it might not be right for you, especially at the age you need to be out there. For some peolpe, homeschooling was also better than going to a public high school, but for those of us who went and came out stronger on the other side, would you have it any other way?

As you get more responsibility in your career and learn to take charge of your life’s work, productivity and time management, make sure you know the pros and cons of how you’re spending your time. I repeat, again and again.

It’s ok to be average, but not ok to treat yourself averagely. There’s a reason you go to a gym as opposed to doing the same stuff at home, and there’s a reason you need to use this energy at 25 to go out into the world and make your mark.

Even if it just means taking your laptop to Starbucks.

CONCLUSION

Why does every single person who passes away at 90 say the same thing..that you should make your life mean something?

I’m not saying quit your job, be an entrepreneur, go make films or be a YouTuber. If you’re at a big company like KPMG or Accenture or Microsoft or hell even Google, and you’re coasting…stop doing that.

It’s not cool.

The only one who’s getting taken for a ride is you. You just won’t realize until it’s too late.

Sanjay Manaktala is the host of the Birdy Num Num podcast, all about inspiring the creative South Asian. In this post, he debunks a couple of myths about how it’s cool to do nothing and get paid for it.

why do Indian people smell

Why Do Some Indian People Smell More of Body Odor?

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Are you triggered yet?

GOOD.

Because you’re the problem if you’re treating personal hygiene like a stigma or something sensitive to talk about.

To be clear, I, Sanjay Manaktala am

  • Indian
  • used to be overweight (I still have a gut that will never go)
  • worn deodorant since I was 15 years old before Axe thought it was cool.
  • stink when I don’t wear deodorant, even more so after 30. Especially if I use a new brand for some reason.
  • Will happily tell my brother or mom or even wife if they stink, and vice versa
  • stand up comedian and host of one of India’s top podcasts, the Birdy Num Num podcast.

In this post, I’m going to answer some of our reader’s Instagram questions on body odor, grooming, and how hygiene will honestly fix your life.

If you’re also wondering why that dude in your office or tech team has a strange whiff, this should answer most of it too.

Why do Indians Smell?

I had a friend who had all the money in the world, worked at McKinsey, went to Harvard, yet couldn’t land a date if his life depended on it.

He was miserable, constantly wallowing in self-pity while driving his Mercedes.

Responses on twitter when I said I wanted to write this article.

To himself, he was confused beyond belief. Harvard MBA, decent looks, great career and family on paper…what the heck is going on?

But to the rest of us, even a stranger or a waiter could spend 10 seconds with him and figure out what lacking self-awareness had hidden from him.

HE SMELLED HORRIBLE. DAILY.

Bad breath, bad body odor, and just unpleasant to be around.

So my other best friend and I did what good friends do.

We chickened out and wrote an anonymous email because we didn’t want to hurt his feelings (more so for our own selfish reasons but we wanted to help.)

“Hey, you don’t know me, but I worked with you or studied with you many years ago. I always saw you working so hard at life and succeeding but also saw you being frustrated with the personal front. I want to see you succeed there too, and it’s something so simple you just need to fix. Just please wear deodorant daily, and all your life problems will get fixed. You stink really bad and it’s a turn off for a lot of people.”

One of my first emails from my junk hotmail account.

6 months later I was crashing at his house, opened up his medicine cabinet and saw a million cologne bottles, mouth wash, deodorants, body sprays, the works.

A year later he was engaged.

Why Don’t Indians Wear Deodorant?

So why do some Indian dudes smell bad? Because growing up, deodorant was a western thing, and it’s still catching on.

We didn’t think it was important.

Some more thoughts from the public.

My own mom never told me about it, I just figured it out from TV commercials of being a teenager in America. The white kids in middle-school weren’t shy about letting me know “I smelled like sweaty curry”, and oddly enough as mean as teenagers are…I’m glad they did.

I mean, come on…deodorant sales in India are skyrocketing.

In fact, deodorants in India revenue are expected to grow 25% year on year. (Source.) It used to be a luxury item, but now it’s affordable for pretty much anyone and will take some time to adopt.

Everyone in our country loves a little spice, but that heat it brings means you gotta love some Old Spice as well.

WAIT, EVERYBODY SMELLS, WHY ARE YOU TARGETING INDIANS?

Yes, you’re 100% right.

Every group of people has smelly stinkers.

My friend Joel at my baraat is American and Mexican, and yes he also stinks if he doesn’t apply deodorant before dancing in the heat.

But most of us in desi communities, myself included, never got it ingrained in our heads that deodorant should be like brushing your teeth. We tread lightly on the topic rather than confronting it head-on.

But why are we so sensitive about something so obvious, that in extreme weather and sweaty situations, you need to put on some deo bro.

Just like we have to find a way to let American people know that TOILET paper IS DISGUSTING, we need to encourage our South Asian brothers and sisters that deodorant is actually spot-on awesome.

In fact, I used to see guys in my IT company office spend 20 minutes after lunch combing their hair in the men’s washroom, but not realize that it didn’t matter because nobody wanted to sit within 5 feet of them.

And then those same guys start trolling people online because they have a frustrated sex life or who knows what.

You feel me?

India is about 5-10 years behind on the BO elimination wave, and the more we help our friends and family realize they’re adding some stank into the mix, the more we all benefit.

Personal hygiene and grooming are a $2 or an INR 150 investment.

BOOKS THAT HELPED ME GET BETTER AT LIFE (AMAZON)

It’s no longer a luxury item, but adoption for the masses will still take some time. So if someone in your gym or work or school or family is stinking it up, do your civic duty and clean it up.

WHEN YOU HELP SOMEONE SMELL GOOD, YOU HELP THEM BE GOOD. AT LIFE.

We all know that guy or girl who stinks, and nobody tells them. Because they’re scared of hurting their feelings. But guess what continuous rejection and not knowing what they’re doing wrong is also doing?

It’s hurting them a lot more than you worrying about their feelings.

If you find a nice or anonymous way to tell them they smell, guess what?

  • They’ll likely do something about it.
  • They’ll build more confidence.
  • They’ll do better at work, life love, and more.
  • But most importantly…they’ll know.

How to Get Someone to Smell Better Politely?

  • You can talk to another coworker (in front of the smelly one) and discuss how some other, made up person didn’t wear deodorant at a restaurant you were at over the weekend and it ruined your date or whatever. The second person can also say “Wow, who doesn’t wear deodorant!?” and drop a massive hint to the stinker.
  • You can gift everyone (including them) a $10-20 bottle of cologne and also use it yourself at work.
  • You can send them an anonymous email like I did.
  • In India…and I’ve heard this many times…bosses and coworkers just tell their employees outright. In fact, in some tech companies, they’ve sent colleagues home to go shower!

Body Odor Shouldn’t Be Taboo or Hygiene Products Thought of as a WESTERN thing

Yes, I know that we use talcum powder, saffron, and we have whatever other natural remedies for fragrance and all that stuff.

I’m all for it.

You want to spend an hour with coconut oil and lotions every evening, be my guest.

But you and I use Google and Chinese goods every day, so please cut the crap that you don’t buy into that western stuff.

Proctor and Gamble aren’t evil, although sure, big bad corporations have their issues.

We modernize every single fact of our lives, so let’s recognize we need to modernize our approach to hygiene.

Two swipes of two pits will save you a lifetime of despair.

CONCLUSION

The simple issue is a lot of us know that person who stinks, probably ARE that person who stinks, and we have a hard time dealing with it in this country or in our international desi communities.

I’ve heard stories from the IT world of managers who had to tell an employee to leave the room and go back and shower or spray some cologne.

I’m 100% serious.

Does it need to get to that?

Deodorant technology has come a long way, trust me. One dab in the morning will keep you going until 10 PM, even in that crazy Chennai or Mumbai summers.

As you smell less and trust me, nobody can really smell themselves…all the other things in life will fall into place.

That will increase your money, career, dating, love life and probably personal happiness.

Although no guarantees on the last one. Happiness is still super elusive to most of us.

Happy Spraying!

Sanjay Manaktala is one of the top stand up comedians in India who started building the comedy community in the country back in 2010. Since then his stand up comedy videos and podcasts have helped millions laugh or get motivated. His latest effort is the Birdy Num Num podcast, helping you learn creativity in life after engineering. You can learn about Sanjay here or check out his YouTube channel here.

Indian mother in law

Dating Trends in India

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Dating in Indian Culture is Fascinating

When I moved to Bangalore in 2010, I remember naturally being curious about my prospects on the romantic front.

I had only had one semi-serious girlfriend up until that point, I knew nothing about long term relationships, and Tinder was probably just an idea in some kid’s dorm room at the time.

As time went on and I fumbled my way through my twenties, as I’m sure most of us do, I realized understanding dating can actually be divided into major phases.

How People in India Date

They’re a few phases of “love marriage” courtship and the first phase is:

  • trying to attract someone,
  • navigate bar and hookup culture,
  • your first ten dates,
  • sifting through social media and apps to understand how the romance economy keeps getting defined.

Ghosting, sexting, DM’s, flirting, all that stuff probably drops in here.

Most people spend most of their life here, between 18 and 30.

I mean, Moore’s law is changing everything, and as phones get faster and SD cards smaller, that also means the entire definition of courtship, mental health, relationships and “quality time together” keep changing.

The landscape here is redefining itself so fast it’s really hard to know what’s what anymore.

Earlier it was losing interest, then it became ghosting, and now there’s something called catfishing which I’ll assume you already know about.

Moore's law says transistors double every so many years...basically, computers will get smaller and more powerful.
I just really wanted to use a Moore’s law reference.

I guess it’s true what comedians and writers say…less is Moore.

Ok I’ll stop.

Then there’s the second phase, which is all about:

  • moving into the honeymoon period,
  • exclusivity,
  • no longer being single,
  • eventually meeting her parents
  • and all the beauty of that fresh feeling from going from zero to six months.

Netflix and Chill, Swiggy life, awkward fights, learning to change or adapt to the other person, and all of that fall into this.

Most Indians or South Asians spend a good chunk of 25 to 35 here.

Finally, there’s the third phase, which is of course where most sink or swim.

You’ll hear things like “they’ve been through so much”, relationships are tough, soulmate, partner, the big fat Indian wedding and much more in this phase. The third phase is all about:

  • Long term relationships
  • Marriages
  • Traveling Together
  • Intense Love and Hate or Ups and Downs (I mean not for all but totally normal)
  • Family, in-laws, etc…
  • the past, the future, ironically rarely the present

I’m sure there’s also that phase you see on greeting cards also which is like 15+ years of marriage, kids, and much more but I’ll update this in 2025 when I’m there.

Throughout these phases, one thing I’ve noticed in each is that in major metros like Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, etc… each phase is so overcomplicated that it affects the other.

Imagine if you spent all your time researching or getting stuck in the interview phase of a job hunt, you never once realized when you get the job your real career begins.

Ditto for promotions and retirement, career switches, etc..

Not to mention once you do find someone, things like…Indian men being mama’s boys, society having double standards, changing gender dynamics, technology, middle-class conveniences, and more all make being brown and trying to get down sometimes difficult, sometimes impossible.

So I wanted to talk about three questions in detail when I opened it up on Instagram. Even though I’m married, I’m still very interested in how courtship is evolving.

Indian mother in law
Indian mother in-laws be cray

Dating App Market in India

Apps are defining how we eat, how we get around, and how we meet.

I mean Tinder has a score they kept on your desirability, just like Uber does.

If the company’s are rating us, we may as well start looking at dating a bit more objectively. New Chinese app Tantan is also doubling it’s users in India aggressively. It’s also no secret that the app store is booming in India under dating categories.

This stuff is fascinating how Black Mirror we’re becoming.

And in a place like India or desi culture that’s constantly battling technology, trends, and tradition…well it makes for some interesting masala.

No wonder our movies are 3 hours long…even though they still have a long way to go.

Read Next: Are Indian Men Mama’s Boys and Is That a Good Thing?

That being said, let’s dive into what the Indian public had to ask about dating. Whether Tinder, Bumble TrulyMadly or whatever other app you’re looking at.

Indian Men and Women Are Picky

Question 1: “I feel I’m being too picky. I mean I meet people but nobody does it for me. I feel that there is nobody out there, but I also know I could at least try.”

We all have that friend, who always complains about men.

  • “There are no good guys anywhere yaaaaaa.”
  • “I want what they have.”
  • “Why can’t I find someone?”

Hey, Sharon, or Divya, or Jessica or Nick…good people exist and they’re everywhere.

You’re just making excuses because of something else, and the real challenge is discovering what that is.

I did a talk yesterday where I said most people live their whole lives never finding their passion, and I hate to say it, but most of us will probably do the same thing with our true love.

I’m still on the fence about what a soulmate truly is, but I can tell you…when you know you’re in love, you know. Bartender, another cliche, please!

In India, as the folks who play in dating have probably had parents who got arranged marriages, maybe this is less of a big deal.

Maybe we all feel like something will happen if we don’t do anything about it anyways but still want the right to complain like we’re wandering aimlessly.

But to those who ARE dating, and still complaining…let me tell you, it’s not the world’s fault you’re not finding anyone.

It’s yours.

Most people never make a YouTube channel, a podcast, write that book or make that movie because they get caught up in a nice workspace, fancy editing software, camera gear, and a million other things that are basically just resistance.

With being picky patoots about your partner, it might feel the same.

I cleaned the house 8 times before I wrote this blog. I feel you fam.

But to the “picky” person, I promise you that person is out there and closer than you think. Rather than go out night after night, or stay at home with your cats night after night, you gotta make changes to yourself if you want a change in your life. They don’t even have to be real or substantial. (e.g. you’ll still find someone who loves you for you).

  • Same faffy workout at home? Go to the gym.
  • Tired of the bars? Go work in Goa for a few months. Tired of Goa? Go back to your city.
  • Tired of Tinder? Use another app. Tired of the apps? Say hi to someone at the coffee shop, or at the very least smile. Or let your friend introduce you to someone.

Most people who are single that complain love the security of just writing it off as bad luck, because it’s something they know rather than be held accountable for.

Stop doing that.

If you were unemployed, nobody would just tell you “You’ll find something, someday, the universe has a plan.” They’d say get off your ass and take control of your fortune.

No, you need to take action. The universe has Monster.com for work, and also a million apps to meet someone. In fact, more people meet online than offline now.

Even if that means finding someone just as lazy and relaxed as you. (Which is awesome).

You don’t need to be super desperate, but you need to experiment with self-improvement, hobbies, fitness, and a million other things until your consistently meeting and engaging with quality people.

Tinder and Dating Apps are Hurting Dating in India

Question 2: I meet people on Tinder, they send me messages, then they disappear. What am I doing wrong?

You’re not doing anything wrong.

You just live in the most interesting time that even if I go to an amazing restaurant, I won’t leave a review.

Most people these days have such little attention spans for themselves, it’s hard to think they’d truly focus on someone else. There is a massive paradox of choice, and it’s hard to be content when you’re constantly wondering what else there is.

In fact kids these days are having less sex because they would rather just mess around on their phone.

Also, even though men and women are 50/50, have you ever seen your female friends Tinder app?

OH. MY. GOD.

Everything is a match, and even if you meet Mr. Right (get it?) chances are he’ll get lost in the noise.

I’m a firm believer after being 30 *cough* a few years ago that paying for apps, especially the premium stuff to save you time is completely underpriced, and if you can spend $5 a month to save yourself HOURS of time and increase your dates or conversations, why wouldn’t you?

Sometimes you meet that special someone on the train, and then forget to get their number. Sometimes you meet someone online, and it goes nowhere. Or it does. But if it was meant to be, she would have logged back in and found you.

If not, maybe he or she is busy with something else.

Again, you just please keep doing you.

We’ve all ghosted someone, and we’ve all been ghosted. It’s part of the grind, like traffic on the way to work. It might be your first year on Tinder, but someone else’s 3rd. It might be they’re just not into you, or lazy, or both. But at the same time, it’s all good queue for you to work on your profile the way you’d work on your resume.

Get better photos, get real hobbies, learn to value your time. You still may not meet that someone but you will be a much better person.

How Do You Transition from Being Single to Being in Relationships?

I rephrase the question to actually be:

Question: How do you deal with no longer being single?

Being single is easy because you’ve always been in a relationship with yourself. It’s comfortable.

But when you realize somebody else has to come in your home, or vice versa, uff…that’s tough. Everybody has problems and nuances. The key here is hopefully they line up with yours.

Your wife likes to wake up at 5 AM and pray? And now she wants you to also?

Uh oh.

But getting up early may not be a bad thing.

Your husband wants you to keep the toothbrush in the cupboard, and not outside the sink.

I mean, come on…aren’t we really splitting hairs here?

Most people need to understand in relationships, you need to find someone who isn’t changing you, but improving you. They’re letting you be the best versions of yourself you can be. And that’s a good thing.

It’s when you’re with someone who wants you to be completely opposite than what you were initially when the real challenges begin.

  • You guys drank every weekend, now she doesn’t want to go out at all.
  • Or he said he was cool you had so many guys friends, no he’s on your head about every message you get.
  • She liked your house, now all of a sudden it’s a mess and needs to be cleaned up.

Oh the horror.

When you were younger, your mom was on your head to brush your teeth, pick up after yourself, not make so much noise in the kitchen, or whatever else. Often times you’ll have a partner who you irritate as well with habits you didn’t realize you had accumulated over the years. (I personally bite my nails 24/7).

If you want the key to surviving no longer being single, make sure your partner has good intentions and also yes, you can stop tapping the table or biting your nails or sometimes drinking less.

If not, maybe you value certain things too much, or maybe you need out. But you’ll know where it’s coming from, and if it’s not meant to be, well, fine.

We have all been there. Then you’ll have to know how to survive to be single again. (Which is a great phase when you get out of a toxic relationship by the way).

Conclusion

The Indian dating scene is so fascinating because the country is fascinating.

You can watch an artsy French flick or a Bollywood movie. You can go fine dining or eat a meal and walk around for $4. But as with Swiggy, malls and Netflix…we are also stuck in a paradox of choice that ultimately nothing satisfies whatever desire we have.

Also, as India is always stuck in a time warp between trend and tradition and tech, dating will continue to fumble/evolve and present unique challenges as we battle the old with the new.

Ultimately, the apps and the movies and the fancy dinners aren’t the solution. Once you figure out yourself and your family, it’s easier for someone else to as well.

I don’t have a nice cushy way to resolve this, but I hope the answers above were helpful and if you enjoyed them or have comments/questions for next time, please do drop them below.

Sanjay Manaktala is the creator and host of the Birdy Num Num podcast which is all about inspiring the creative South Asian. He is also the author of the Harper Collins book “My Beta Does Computer Things.

In this week’s episode, questions were asked by the public regarding dating and relationships hence the article.

Alicia Souza Podcast

Alicia Souza on Instagram, Her Husband George, Books and More!

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You may not know Alicia Souza directly, but you’ve definitely seen her work across the country whether you realize it or not.

One of the first employees at Chumbak, and now an independent artist with her own online store, she is quite a force to be reckoned with.

She’s a full-time illustrator in India, and what that really means is she:

  • draws,
  • she sells,
  • she takes up design work,
  • she speaks,
  • she works from home,
  • she sends invoices
  • she deals with client briefs
  • she travels the world with Adobe and other brands
  • she social media influences
  • she leverages the power of Instagram for growing her business and
  • she pretty much lives the entrepreneurial ethos we’ve all grown accustomed to.

I just love it.

I started following Alicia years ago on her ever-popular Instagram, but of course, although we more or less “knew” of each other, we never met.

We both took similar projects, similar talks and hung out with similar people, but just never really crossed paths.

Luckily for you and me, Alicia is quirky and funny as her work would have you believe and stopped by my studio *cough* living room *cough* to talk about her journey and share the wisdom I think would benefit a ton of you.

I recently got her on my podcast, the Birdy Num Num podcast (iTunes/Spotify) to talk about design, creativity, illustration, art, comedy, her marriage, her background and more.

The major takeaways from our one hour chat are:

  • You have to initially take whatever you can get. Logos, restaurant menus, ad work, whatever.
  • Eventually, after doing that for a while, you’ll have to figure out what you want to be known for. It will be painful.
  • It takes time to find your voice. Alicia keeps her style the way it is because it’s true to what she wants to do, but she opens up that she didn’t really have a style.
  • Work just kind of got her there, and then she stuck with it. I love this kind of anti motivational nugget honesty. Real-life is just like that, sometimes things just happen.
  • In art, just like we’re seeing with film production…higher production values or crazier photoshop tricks doesn’t mean better. I struggled with this personally for years.
  • You need to learn your fundamentals and then play around and experiment. But if you don’t have that strong foundation, well…you’ll be broke and you’ll also have no creative output that fulfills you personally.
  • A graphic designer or illustrator does not draw all day. In fact, just like a film producer goes for meetings and budget and market research and probably is on set for a fraction of that, well, the graphic design industry feels similar. (and comedy, ditto).

How To Grow in Illustration and Graphic Design in India

The entire podcast is an hour, so if you just want to jam in the car or at the gym those audio links are above. But I wanted to also split out some of my favorite moments in which Alicia talks about something I hear daily.

“Sir, Madam, I don’t want to do engineering. I want to draw. I want to act. I want to make movies.”

“Ok have you tried to draw or act or tell someone what you like to do, or even take an online course for the price of a beer?”

“No.”

#facePalm

Alicia on Work and Life Balance

I remember taking a few weeks playing WhatsApp ping pong to finalize a day for us to shoot. And in that time I noted the timings she’d be responding to me, so I asked:

Sanjay: So you work from home, that’s nice. What’s the average day of an artist?

Alicia: I get up at 5AM, walk my dog, get started on my…

Sanjay: Wait huh?

Hustling as an artist is no joke bruv.

No wonder the Alicia Souza planner is what it is.

People like to think that “doing what you love” and “quitting engineering” are some simple, easy thing that takes guts and once you do it, everything falls into place.

*evil laugh*

I just did a talk today at Mt. Carmel for that Under 25 summit thing and in fact, I realized a lot of kids thing that.

In fact, most of us do engineering or medicine because that’s simply a blueprint instructional manual to the middle class.

But the grind of a creative entrepreneur is anything but glamorous.

Alicia Souza Husband
Courtesy AliciaSouza.com

It’s rooted in discipline and time management that only the most seasoned managers would ever understand.

In fact, as someone who left engineering for stand up comedy, I can tell you I’ve never worked harder in my life.

How did you Find Your Style?

I have no clue about art, so thankfully Alicia gave a quick primer.

Sanjay: What’s the difference between Illustrator and Graphic Designer?

Alicia: I mean there’s a lot, but a fun definition for our purposes is that illustration is drawing, and graphic design is solving a design problem.

If you follow Alicia on Instagram and Social media, you might have realized that one of the beautiful things about these mediums is you can see the progression of a person’s work.

Experiment with
different styles and you’ll be able to get so many more jobs.

Since she primarily uses it to showcase her art which also know includes peeks into her life, you get to go along for the ride and relate it to your own life.

You feel like you know her before you know her.

You see yourself in the work, you laugh at the jokes, and the wonderful illustrations of her husband and her I think can all give us all some #senti #coupleGoals.

Sanjay: How can someone find their style?

Alicia: You have to sometimes move backward. You can work for an agency and do hoardings and billboards and then use social media to create your own field on Instagram or stick figures like XKCD. It’s such an exciting time!

Alicia: Most people don’t have their style. In fact it takes time to find a style, and even longer to stick to that style. And then it evolved since then.

Birdy Num Num Podcast

Finding your style, just like finding your voice, or your passion is something you still can’t use google maps for.

Alicia Souza in 2020 | Dearest George

What’s next for Alicia?

Alicia Souza’s latest book about her husband George is set to release in January 2020, about well…life, love and the fun quirky parts about relationships!

Look for it from Penguin India.

Conclusion

It’s never been more of an exciting time to be an artist in the world. Social media hasn’t changed us many people say, but it’s exposed us.

And while that has it’s ups and downs, I’m glad to see that there is something as positive what you see with a simple scroll through Alicia’s feed.

She’s disciplined, she’s funny about her trials and tribulations and beyond everything else, she’s channeling all life throws at her into a blender and ending up with some lovely creative output.

Thanks for the chat dude!

And to the rest of you, please do follow Alicia and let me know if any of this was helpful. Would mean a lot.

Sanjay Manaktala is the host of the Birdy Num Num podcast, you’re guide to creativity from an Engineers blueprint.

stand up comedy advice how do i get more stage time

How Do I Get More Stage Time?

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Updated July 2019

In this post I’m going to explain how aspiring stand up comedians, whether in the USA or India or Singapore or anywhere can get more stage time, aside from “network.” I live in India so I may give examples here but the advice is practical anywhere. I’ll first talk about the career track of a stand-up comedian the first five years and then explain the most effective way to get on better and better stages.

TLDR: If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself.

Getting On Stage as a Comic is HARD

I’m in the US for a few months and the harsh beauty of stand up is that no matter how many credits you have on TV, how many millions of views on YouTube or how many Twitter people like you…when you’re doing this as a profession there is something you have to quickly learn and accept:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT.

Hunting for stage time is going to be a normal part of your career. It’s like business development…no matter how cool your job is, you will have to follow up on leads, send emails, and yes, possibly…cold call.

Just like an office worker checks his emails in the morning or marketers need to offer you their products via InMail – so to do you need to be actively taking control of this craft you’ve committed yourself too.

It’s not easy, you will get A LOT of negative responses (to be fair, they’re many good people who are just busy) but eventually, you will start filling up your calendar and your own routine will be sorted.

Most comics (including myself) sit around for years thinking some magic guru will pluck them from the open mic scene, mentor them and push them up the ladder. It might happen for a few, but the reality is if you want something done, you have to do it yourself.

You’re creative with your comedy, so now get creative with your comedy career.

Stand Up Comedy Career Progression (example)

“Stick to your time” in comedy jargon also means learning to manage it.

Year 1 in Comedy: Open Mics & Overcoming Stage Fright, Hecklers, Learning to Write

Love yourself.

Hate yourself.

Question everything.

Bomb for many. Kill for a few.

Think you know everything after watching Carlin, Burr, CK, Stanhope, Hicks, Mitch, etc.. (Hint: They don’t give a fu*k about you either, but I’m sure are still amazing human beings)

Get accepted by fellow comics. Judge other ones, thinking they’re hack or sellout even though they’ve been in your exact same shoes.

Make friends. Make enemies. Many quit here.

You will put out an 8-minute clip of your standup thinking it’s awesome when in reality it’s terrible and shot on your shitty phone. Your friends laughed to be supportive and your ego will swell. You will message me and other comics to watch it. If we’re nice enough to go through it (cause that chick we’re stalking isn’t responding and we have the time), you will then overstep and ask us to share it.

Then we will block you.

I’m not being an asshole, I’ve just made this mistake and it’s the equivalent of emailing your friend’s friend who is a VP at Google with your resume when the HR department exists for a reason. Trust the process, learn the rules and then bend them. I admire the grind, and I’ve been both too aggressive and too passive.

All I can say is be patient but not complacent.

Years 2-4 in Comedy: Featured Shows + All of Year 1 Again:

Based on contacts you’ve made and crowds you’ve impressed, start getting booked at bars, birthday parties, comedy clubs, company events, etc.. Bomb at these shows and realize while open mics are required, making comics laugh and making a general Friday night office/college audience laugh aren’t the same thing.

They don’t care about your super clever pedophile joke Brad.

Continue the same hustle at open mics, maybe even hustling harder. I’m shocked in California that some of the most successful comics still go to the shittiest open mics – but that’s the same reason for their success. You should be actively announcing your existence as a comic to all your Facebook friends by now.

Now you will need them to attend shows, share better videos, give you support, etc.. And if you’re worried about your job noticing your comedy hobby or your friends judging you – then please quit now. If you don’t commit to it, you’re already setting yourself up for failure. Some of the best real gigs I’ve gotten also come because my entire social network knows I do this as that one guy on their newsfeed and will think of me when events happen. Use the tools at your disposal, not run away from them.

Know some guy who owns a restaurant? Do a show.

Have a team outing at your office? Do a show.

Wedding friends asking you to say something? Do a show at the reception bro! Or simply volunteer to emcee and squeeze in a few inside jokes, which is also great practice for writing quickly for events (ahem, award shows, TV shows, news, etc…)

Year 4-7: Headline Shows, Many Featured Shows, weekly open mics:

Same as before but now try to actively push on 30-40 minute spots, try to book your own dates at bars/venues, etc..

More heart break, a few mores successes.

Travel, spend money, and look for other avenues to have your voice reach people. Continue to get rejected but don’t even think of it like that – it’s just another day at the office, like traffic on the way to work.

Before you give up on these depressing timelines, just know that I’m in year 9 of actively doing this (and year four of doing it without a day job) and I’m barely in this bracket in India, and probably in the second bracket in the US.

So don’t worry if your timelines don’t match up. I’ve seen guys and girls doing it for a year already booking big clubs, and I’ve seen similar folks doing it 10 years and still at an open mic.

It’s commendable to think that if you just work hard and you will climb. Mama raised me the same way.

But real life isn’t so black and white.

So now that you kind of understand the process, let’s get to the meat and potatoes of the day to day.

How the hell do I actually get more shows, now that I want to do this every day?

Sundeep Rao
Sundeep Rao is blind and finds gigs. And some comics are so lazy they ask him to find them shows. So come on man. Get off your ass.

Well to be blunt…while you’re learning comedy, don’t forget to learn the business of comedy.

And after the jokes, what exactly is the business? It’s about getting strangers (aka non-comics aka audience members) to come to a venue, watch comedy and ideally spend money (e.g. ticket sales or food and drinks).  

If you look at this like a startup or a company, it eventually becomes fairly simple.

How To Perform More as a Comedian

YOU COULD OPEN YOUR OWN VENUE WITH ALL THE FREE TIME YOU WASTE AT CRAPPY MICS

Jokes are like your morning poops.

They never come when you plan for them but more at a time you don’t expect.

As a result, you end up having a LOT of free time. You’re waiting to perform, you’re out for coffee with friends, you’re day dreaming in your cubicle, whatever.

So what is a comedy show?

It’s a sound system (mic, speaker, mixer, stand), a venue (bar/club/coffee shop/backyard) and an audience.

ALSO: Skills Comedians Need in 2019

Sound is a commodity, most venues have it or it can be rented cheaply. I tell every single new comic I meet in India – whether a year in or ten years in – find a venue, start a show.

You want the secret sauce to this career? THIS IS IT.

It’s the most obvious tip that I so blatantly tell you now because just like “Junk food is bad for you” most don’t want to deal with the work involved and just ignore the most obvious solution.  

FIND A VENUE, START A SHOW.

Go on Yelp, Trip Advisor, Zomato, Facebook, Event Brite whatever….email restaurants and bars, speak to your friends who own or work at one – and start a fU*king show.

I spent my first year in California going to some of the worst open mics started by drug dealers and slobs because you know what…they had the balls to speak to venues and get it done and I just wanted to find a platform that already existed, no matter how shit.

Once you do this, you start getting good at online promotions, understanding the business and before you know it 20-100 people are coming to your event.

You get the stage time, you find out comics will come easily and you pretty much get into the system.

Most comics sit around and whine that they’re not getting shows or everybody is against them – but this self-destructive nature is just you scapegoating reasons for your shortcomings.

You’re waiting 4 hours to perform for 4 people – there is a much better way to utilize your time. You could spend 2 hours promoting your own pub show and have 10 people next week. It’s not hard, it’s just work.

Sanjay Manaktala who quotes himself.

The best comedy shows aren’t put together by people who are smarter than you.

They just know how to execute.

Yes You Need Online Presence:

Look at amazing comics like Joe Rogan, Bill Burr, Andrew Schulz, and the folks in India doing amazing things on YouTube/Snapchat/Facebook etc.

Things like videos and podcasts are an amazing way to utilize your downtime to reach out way more people, who then come to your shows. Even if I put out a video that bombs at 1000 views or a podcast only 500 people listen to, that’s still way more than whoever sees me at an average show.

Andrew Schulz Hustle
Bro each of these boxes is like 10 hours of effort.

Over time, all these things tend to add up.

If comedy were a company, under the hierarchy you would have Stand Up Comedy (your main product), but then YouTube (your website and also your product), podcasts (your R&D and also your product) and Facebook/Twitter/Snapchat/Instagram (your marketing team and also another creative outlet of thoughts/ideas and distribution channels).

I know the analogy is not perfect, but you get the idea.

Even with Facebook and YouTube reach down, stand up Comedians can market for free to at least 1000 people (friend list) daily, yet they put ALL their efforts in the open mic that has diminishing returns. Maybe, just maybe…move the dial just 10 percent?

You need to be actively flexing your comedy muscles throughout the day in order to churn out jokes consistently.

A lot of comics say “I dunno bro, I just get inspired and then want to churn it out at the mic” but forget they’re 20 other hours to the day.

When you’re hired for TV or ad films, you think they’re gonna wait around for you to get inspired or they’re gonna ask for 10 quick jokes about Trump or Modi or whoever.

I’m not saying go be a hack online chasing followers by copying stolen memes and Facebook pirating other videos – but work on all aspects of your product.

I hate Twitter (and snapchat) but I’m trying to understand why they work, and to some degree I get it. Tightening a thought down to 140 characters and saying something people resonate with is a fantastic skill to have which improves the way your brain thinks about new ideas or current events. And if you get 1000 RT’s on a Trump in Korea newsbite, guess who’s citing your tweet on CNN.com which is then booking you at a better show next week?

CNN.com Sanjay Manaktala Cricket
Happens all the time bro. This wasn’t even that great a tweet but thanks fam.

People like snapchat because it’s personal, and some people do better on a Snap view count than the $1K video they spent money on.  

Someone like Bill Burr doesn’t need to put out his podcast weekly as I’m sure he’s busy or tired from all the crazy shows he does – but he also knows millions of people him discovered him through this platform and now it’s vital to what it does, aka packing his shows. (There is actually a video somewhere in which Bill talks about recording his podcast on a Voicemail because that was the only way to do it at the time!!!!)

Comics who have paid their time at the open mics/grind but also know how to play this social game have so many more tools in their arsenals, and that helps them book bigger shows and draw bigger crowds.

Promoters and clubs are still trying to run a business (and believe it or not, many just love comedy and want to break even) and care about seats, not that you’re funnier than the guy on stage. He’s working in 20 other things behind the scene, while you’re not.

So get to it.  

I once heard (I forgot where) that a comedian without Twitter is like a rapper without a mix-tape – meaning you need to advertise like everybody else bro.

Networking (SIGH)

Real-life is not a meritocracy, and you know it.

I’ve met investment bankers making $300,000 a year that I knew were the DUMBEST dudes in college, and I’ve met some of the smartest people living off of peanuts (and vice versa).

And in comedy, people booking the shows aren’t going to always book you because you’re the funniest. They just have a room to run and need to get people in the seats and leaving happy.

Guys will think hot girls are getting stage time for the most obvious reason, others will think this person is on stage because they’re rich or always bring people – but to be honest, who gives a shit?

The problem with this business is it’s so personal, and comics always want you to loosen up for their jokes but can’t really loosen up themselves.

You will meet and work with so many people in this career that you can’t afford to make cliques with fellow comics or stop meeting/shunning new people.

So many comics whine and crib, while others are just nice to everyone and do their shit.

Which one do you want to be?

CONCLUSION

Being honest, genuine and of course funny is still the most important thing you need to do in comedy, but there’s one last point most people forget…comedy isn’t about the one hour you shine on stage, it’s about the 23 hours you grind off it.

Even if you have the best app, or the best product, or the best restaurant…who in this digital age of expensive news feed real estate is going to take the time to care? So many restaurants don’t want to invest in Yelp, so many businesses don’t care about having a Facebook…but those less talented ones that do are the ones who are getting the stage time…and then getting better than those same businesses.

I urge you…please…focus on what you do off the stage and you’ll get plenty of more chances on it.

microbreweries in india

How to Start a Brewery in India

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These days everybody who gets bored with the rat race thinks at 30 they should start a bar.

Many try.

Few succeed.

I’m fascinated by the current craft beer and microbrewery craze in India.

Bira, Big Brewsky, and all of those others folks brewing stuff that we pretend to understand the meaning of.

“Oh wow, this one has more hops, and this one is a more smoky and nutty flavor? Ok awesome!”

Right.

Regardless of the brewpub culture and beer snobs, there is one place since I moved to Bangalore that very quickly became synonymous with the city of Bengaluru.

Toit.

Or as the co-owner, Sibi Venkataraju corrects me in my podcast…Toit “Brewpub.”

A great talk about drinking and alcohol with a pub owner. Loved it.

How Do You Start a Microbrewery In India?

You get used to meeting government officials and navigating through permits and laws.

I moved to Bangalore in 2010 and I remember the hearing buzz about a new restaurant that opened up.

Flash forward a couple of visits, I was introduced to Sibi since I was also doing a lot of stand up comedy in the city.

I distinctly remember him telling me he left a corporate job in Singapore at some boutique IT firm to open up this behemoth venue.

My first thought was…why?

Why Quit your Job To Start a Restaurant?

Why would you leave a cushy place like Singapore, to come to India, fight with regulators and corrupt folks to open up a liquor venue…in a specialty that isn’t even defined at the time the way a normal pub or restaurant or bar might be?

I mean, opening up a bar or restaurant scares me in my core.

Million-dollar bars and restaurant wipe out people’s life savings when the government decides almost overnight to change this rule or that. Are you nuts bro?

I didn’t say that to him of course.

Thankfully my podcast has been growing (or brewing?) and and after a few months of hounding him (To be fair, he was busy opening up Toit in Pune), Sibi finally stopped by my studio aka my house to talk about how one can open a microbrewery in Bangalore and also doing life lessons on doing business in India.

These days everyone is trying to open up a craft beer place.

Investors are eager to dump money in…and just like stand up comedy we’re seeing in India, it’s going to quickly all start feeling the same while also letting a few stars who are unique shine through.

That being said, I loved what Sibi had to say.

No need to watch for listen, I’ve included them here but paraphrased some big takeaways if you don’t have the time. (I know you do though).

Lessons from India’s Microbrewery Industry

On being the best at what you’re known for

  • If you do most things better than most people, you’ll do fine. Toit got a headstart in the market but kept their USP as great beer, no judgments, and a unique branding/style.

On Social Media

  • Sibi is not really into social media gimmicks, which I sort of disagree with. But we had an engaging discussion on when you need it (e.g. Come in now and get 50% off by using our hashtag!) and when you just focus on good food and beer. Places like Social in Koramangala and Khar do it well, but Toit hasn’t really needed to. But should you even if the business is fine? (e.g. or have a cute sign that people want to post on their Instagram or make your food look hip enough get filtered)

You’re only NEW once. Will you make the most of it?

  • People like new, but by its own definition, the word has an expiry date. How will you stand out with a bang? How will you REALLY make use of your first-mover advantage and not just be complacent? (Toit shy’s away from crazy live event nights or Karaoke)

ALSO SEE: Who In Your Life Enables you To Be Average?

On that creative itch nagging you while you’re in your cubicle

  • If you have a creative itch, it’s not going to go away. Unlike what your mom says…scratch it often and scratch it early.

On having one clearly defined goal

  • Their goal was always to not just be one of the best breweries in Bangalore or to be a successful restaurant, but to be known for “sending it since 2010” and be one of those classic institutions you relate the city’s name with. Ask any Bandra kid visiting Bangalore and you’ll hear them go “BROOOO TOIT BROOOO.”
How I envision most Bandra or Indiranagar 21 year olds.

On having Humility

  • Humility to recognize your good fortune was the possibly right place and the right time. (e.g. Would Toit or Windmills or Bira be as successful had they started today, with a more crowded market and a more educated consumer? Who knows).

Bangalore’s Bar Scene

Sibi and I also talked about a few other very important topics that are near and dear to my heart. Specifically:

  • Do we need to learn to control our alcohol? And the real reasons why we drink?
  • Guys who roll 10 guys into a place and expect a miracle to happen for them.
  • Why some bars and pubs survive in Bangalore and why others don’t.
  • Joking around about the Bangalore nightlife culture.

TOIT Tales from the Birdy Num Num Podcast

The whole chat is on this channel in increments, the one hour video should be out by August 2019.

Conclusion

Read Next: How To Quit Alcohol for Six Months

India’s beer industry is changing, yet just like the comedy market, youTube market and pretty much any market…if you don’t stay true to your guns you’ll disappear in a crowded space.

You can learn a lot about yourself by consuming alcohol, but you can also learn a lot about the human condition by selling it.

Specifically, in business, in life, in relationships and anything else…The only thing harder than getting to the top is staying there.

Cheers.

Aswathi Balakrishnan How to be a fashion blogger

How to Be A Fashion Blogger in India

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In this post, I’m going to explain some real advice on how you can actually build followers on Instagram and social media by working in fashion blogs. Special thanks to Aswathi Balakrishnan for the inputs on the Birdy Num Num podcast.

how to fashion blog in iNdia

Be warned, being a top fashion blogger in India or anywhere, especially on Instagram, is competitive and difficult. The hunt for more followers can be challenging…but not impossible.

If I can do it, anyone can.

Aswathi Balakrishnan, Social Media Influencer and Leading Blogger in India
Aswathi Balakrishnan How to be a fashion blogger
Fashion blogging and Instagram influencer marketing are doable by anyone. But it’s real work bro.

How Do You Become a Fashion Blogger?

I started to wonder, in an increasingly crowded space, how do you maintain your creativity and identity, where unlike in comedy or acting or singing, somebody else could wear the same outfit or modify your copy (captions) and take a similar point of view?

So I reached out into my network to see who would want to talk about it.

And luckily Aswathi is one of the top influencers in Bangalore, is awesome and recognizes the more you have nothing to hide or disclose the more you succeed.

The full clips and snippets are below, but basically what I took away from the chat was that being a model or blogger on Instagram is a lot of planning, dedication, client work, and brand building.

Introducing Aswathi Balakrishnan

Aswathi is also one of the top south Indian fashion bloggers, beauty bloggers, and most knowledgable social media marketers in the country and also kills it in the Instagram and digital marketing game.

To the newcomer who simply thought it’s about pretty pictures and easy money (I apologize wholeheartedly), it is much more than that.

In fact, dare I say…you can learn a lot from a style or makeup blogger to apply (pun, get it) to your own social media marketing strategies.

What is a Fashion Blog?

Sanjay: So what’s a fashion blog? Is it Instagram? Or writing? I’m confused.

Aswathi: A fashion blog is loosely defined as a blog, or Instagram post, or youTube channel with the goal of promoting lifestyle, fashion and more. As the personal brand of the individual expands, you’ll see more and more content around fashion, travel, makeup, beauty, wellness, technology, etc…

Sanjay: I see…

Birdy Num Num podcast

Before, some context on the social media and fashion blogging craze, hot of the press from last week:

Zara’s Indian partner just announced a cheaper fashion chain of Instagram styles it plans to bring to stores.

  • You will literally see something on your feed on Monday.
  • Buy it on Tuesday
  • As is the case with fast fashion, wash it twice and then never wear it again.

Oh Lord, help us.

WHY are FASHION BLOGS and BLOGGERS IMPORTANT?

We live in a world that is changing daily.

People with cell phone videos are quickly becoming more credible than outdated news reporters, kids are funnier than industry protected celebrities, and in the world of fashion…the eyeballs are moving to creativity, individual styles, and social media.

In fact, you don’t need to see it to believe it, you’re already living it.

Chances are you probably saw way more subtle advertising on your Instagram feed this morning than Hermes or H&M catalogs you read.

Influencing is now, in 2019, actually becoming…well…influencing.

Instagram’s Influencer Marketing in India

Is the Instagram “GRID” the future of shopping?

As a stand-up comedian, my first observation from the world was simply looking at girls trying to be models on Instagram.

I’ve always been fascinated by girls who get 5000 likes on a selfie.

And a little jealousy, fine.

But growing up I dismissed it as, pardon my candor…just hot girls getting likes because dudes in Indore have free time.

That’s me talking about the Wanderlust ladies in 2017.

Also, as a content creator, especially one above 30 I was probably more annoyed at how I spend 60K INR (1K USD) to make a video with camera’s and editing and food and labor and cabs and crew and TIME…and these girls put up a pouty selfie on a 4-second boomerang and get 1M views.

This fashion blogging is some bullsh*t…Or so I thought. Jio is a blessing and a curse.

Then years back I had cast Aswathi through my other friend Varun Agarwal in one of my sketch comedy maid videos with Sumukhi Suresh and I, and my eyes had opened up.

Through my non-designer sunglasses of course. So here we are.

Watch for Aswathi and me in the last maid comedy video I created.

What is Fashion Blogging?

This industry is some serious work.

There’s a right way to do it (Aswathi) and a wrong way to do it. (I leave no names).

But the same industry can be ripe for abuse.

Problems of Fashion Blogging (India or anywhere):

  • abuse by copycats,
  • ulterior motives and…
  • just like we’re seeing with stand up comedy…a game set up for easy cash and then commodity.

Top fashion influencers in India like Santoshi Shetty and Komal Pandey share their style tips, charge money for influencing and help brands build buzz on their sales and product launches.

In a simplified SanjayComedy.com definition, on top of the great definition above, Fashion Blogging is also

  • posting content about fashion to build awareness and engagement through fashion blog mediums (as mentioned above, IG, WordPress, twitter, etc..)
  • inspire and influence increasingly fashionable consumers
  • ultimately drive sales
  • attend industry events, brand activations, etc…
  • Massive digital marketing.

What isn’t Fashion Blogging?

  • Not having a strategy
  • Not having a goal in mind (e.g. thinking to yourself that you want to be the top Instagram blogger for Ray-Ban)
  • Not planning posts (not using apps like Planoly or whatever is popular to plan your next 30 posts).
  • Randomly putting out an image of you and your cat. Called “off brand” in the business.

A lot of girls (and guys) get 10K IG followers, quit their job and then realize later when the audience has moved onto the next person.

“Oh wow, you have to promote your local pizzeria, think long and hard about your style choices, create a WordPress blog also.” (e.g. What do these Fashion bloggers do if IG makes you pay for reach tomorrow?) and also find a way to monetize your audience.

How Much do Fashion Bloggers earn in India?

Top bloggers like Santoshi Shetty and Komal Pandey can charge anywhere between 10,000 INR for an IG story to more than 5 lakh for a full-on post.

The range all depends on:

  • the product,
  • how many organic followers the person has
  • the budget (duh)
  • if any barter is involved (e.g. keep a free phone worth 50,000 INR)
  • the audience (e.g. is it a million dollar Infosys product or just a biryani nearby)
  • the number of posts aka deliverables.

What are Deliverables in Fashion Blogging?

  • Number of Instagram posts
  • Number of Tweets
  • Number of Retweets (from brand’s twitter)
  • Number of Instagram Stories
  • Number of youTube Videos
  • Number of Facebook Shares (from Brand’s page)
  • Number of Native Facebook Posts (on your page to your audience)

Fashion Blogging isn’t Easy

This is a serious plan, with strategy, metrics, techniques and of course, styles.

You need to do market research, understand trends, see how best to engage with audiences and what the market is looking for.

Just like anybody in comedy can tell a couple of dirty jokes, anybody on Instagram can put up a pic.

And just like with comedy, context and purpose can be everything.

Quality is a Different Quantity

A person with 10K followers who gets 1K likes per post is way more valuable than someone with 100K followers with 100 likes per post.

(And yes Sharon, both of those pages have organic followers. But that’s how much engagement varies.)

What Does an Influencer Do Daily?

Social Media influencing has come a long way worldwide. But I’ve always wondered what does it really mean to be a fashion blogger or “influencer”?

And how is social media influencing different or unique in India, with so much more Instagram likes, comments, and also…strange social media behavior?

Like I get that they have to keep up with the latest fashion trends in India, they’re some of the most viewed profiles of Indian girls on Instagram, and the term is synonymous with “Indian Instagram models” (well any country actually) or modeling.

And yes creepy dudes like to slide into your DM’s everywhere.

Aswathi basically summed it up that she plans her week out, she goes on shoots, she answers emails from brands, she plans out her GRID on her feed (the front page of your brand), and for those brands that she’s really keen to work with…it’s ok to be proactive. She also makes it a point to not read those strange messages.

But ultimately your work speaks for itself.

In the Instagram fashion blogging world…your resume IS your work.

Brands take 10 seconds to quickly scan your feed and then decide from there.

Is Jio reducing the value of a LIKE?

I also have this theory I’m working on to explore in my podcast and stand up comedy shows that Jio and cheap internet is creating an artificial bubble in the likes/comments/advertising game.

Example: Some girl at your gym has 1M Instagram followers for honestly nothing more than looking very nice. She’s not an actor, she’s not a fitness coach, she’s not a comedian or a writer…she just…is.

If a million people follow her and 90% of those are from some small village or Bangladesh or wherever…does it really make sense for that person to get 5L to post a pic holding up a $100 shampoo saying “#NowOnAmazon? Is anyone in Bangladesh going to buy that shampoo ever?

Is a potential bubble going to burst across the world because guys in a net cafe in Dhaka are liking every single Instagram pic with cleavage they see?

Luckily Aswathi is fully aware of the situation, but like a filmmaker who can’t do anything but to ignore the massive problem of piracy, you just gotta keep moving the ball forward and not get involved in things that don’t affect your business.

Redefining the term NONE OF YOUR “BUSINESS!”

Ok sorry, had to.

But in a nutshell…You know your brand, you know your strategy and in deep in your heart of hearts, you know where you’re adding value and where you’re not.

Conclusion

These days everybody wants to be YouTube or Instagram celebrity, but most don’t realize that as with anything in life, nothing is as easy as it seems.

You will see that guy or girl from your college who explodes overnight or gets a movie or viral video, but for the majority of us, we need a much more thoughtful approach.

You’d rather build a strong loyal audience than aim for masses.

If you don’t believe me, look at how long any social media person has been posting and you can most likely trace their first posts and see their grind/struggle until something clicked.

Alicia Souza is not a fashion blogger, but she’s a great example of tracing someone’s journey through their work. Ditto with Varun Agarwal.

Go slow to go fast as my friend Rajiv Satyal says.

TL;DR: Quality over Quantity leads to Quantity you Want (Followers)

For anybody who wants to know how to succeed in this game and build real followers and engagement, I urge you to listen to the clips above or simply follow Aswathi on Instagram!

The FULL AUDIO ONLY 1 Hour chat with Aswathi on all audio podcast platforms is here on the Birdy Num podcast.

sanjay manaktala ub city

Why is Bangalore Traffic So Bad? (2019)

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I’ve lived in Bangalore for close to 10 years now.

When I landed at 3AM I remember driving through an empty MG road and looking at the Metro pillars thinking….oh nice…just in time. I asked my cab driver “Oh wow is Bangalore traffic always this nice?”

He laughed.

“Just you wait. You will need to learn how to survive traffic in Bengaluru”

Oh boy.

Take a look at any Bangalore traffic map, or simply fire up your Google maps and notice wherever you need to go…it’s going to be at least 30 minutes.

How To Reduce Traffic in Bangalore?

Namma Metro (Bangalore’s metro system) was supposed to fix a lot of things.

Unfortunately, metro construction is probably the slowest in the world, with I’m assuming on average about 2KM per year being constructed.

Ironic considering Dubai metro is built by Indians too, and gets built at a rate of 10KM per year.

Yes yes, I know, things are different over there and in China.

But regardless… in 7 years of its operation I’ve taken the metro ONCE.

In fact, I once walked from Trinity Circle to Brigade road to meet someone only to realize looking up after 30 minutes of sweating..oh crap, I just walked between two metro stations.

Traffic jams are constantly on the mind of Bangalorean’s and whether it’s Silk Board or Marathahalli Bridge, it’s a daily disaster. You step outside in this day and age and when you reach your destination you just want to do a 5-minute meditation to clear your head. It’s no wonder you see a MindFit or yoga studio on pretty much every corner now.

Who can fix the traffic congestion problem?

So what’s the real issue here? Everybody likes to blame the government. Corruption, lack of execution, red tape, bureaucracy.

For sure. I’m with you.

But in this day and age of technological innovation, engineering marvels, and any service at your finger tips (especially in India where you can get a meal, massage and Amazon in minutes) I’m going to blame another culprit.

Convenience. Swiggy. Uber. Zomato.

I have this theory that’s quite simple. Bridges and trains and transportation evolved out of pressing needs. Things got done because there was no other solution.

Golden Gate Bridge, the Lincoln Tunnel, you get the idea. People are gonna have our heads…let’s build this damn bridge! *Ahem not…hey, there is already massive traffic here, lets have a parade during rush hour to celebrate my kid’s birthday or dig up this road again for who knows what*

Bangalore traffic is choking daily, but it continues to stuff its face because the majority of middle-class consumers aren’t looking ahead…they’re looking down.

Ten years ago if it took you 90 minutes to go from Whitefield to Koramangala, you would be staring out the window cursing the politician’s face you passed by on every hoarding.

Often times the delay isn’t even due to a traffic accident or any construction….it just is what is. Some auto just stopped to have some chai…and that causes a big redirect of traffic. Oh well.

As you missed your kids birthday party because of a traffic signal problem or the tea break causing a pointless 40-minute delay, you’d probably scream and shout at your local government official to do something about it.

Sundeep Rao is from Bangalore and talks about the city and overcrowding.

Today you watch comedy videos on your phone, listen to podcasts (ahem, check mine above) and do your grocery shopping. You chat with friends and enjoy the cheapest Internet in the world.

If you’re really, angry, you MIGHT send an email if you have the patience to look at their mySpace themed government website.

You even take a conference call when you’re not losing signal between army areas…because when you get home you need to “disconnect.”

TECHNOLOGY INCREASED REACTIONS, BUT DECREASED ACTION

Social media, YouTube and a million other distractions have given governments (and private citizens) a way to mitigate infrastructure’s problems.

We kind of just “deal with it” because it’s not like we’re not spending another 2 hours working once we get home.

We handle that in traffic while sitting in the back of an Uber. But it’s not really fixing anything, it’s just shifting the headache.

Rather than spending another 20 minutes buying veggies and cooking at home, you realize it’s already 7PM, dinner won’t be ready by 9 so you may as well just give the luxury of waiting in line to your Swiggy guy. By the time you get home, having watched a NetFlix episode of Narcos, your Swiggy food is at your security and you’re ready to chill.

You’ve had a long exhausting day after all, being driven in the back of that taxi while your headphones kept falling out.

Rather than building more parking lots, we leave our cars at home and let Uber’s roam the streets in a moving swarm.

Rather than participating in our local discussions we share a pic on social media of that one time we participate in the political process…then go back to our Netflix.

I’m not saying I have the solution, but just like somebody who constantly complains about their job being a dead end or never having any romantic interests….nothing good will happen if you just sit on your phone.

Or blog about it.

(Yes I knew you were going to type that.)

Read Next: How To Get an Onsite Role

Read Next: Working at Accenture | A ten year tale

CONCLUSION

In life, you update your resume, hit the gym and learn to make metaphorical steps to change your situation.

Maybe we should all start taking real steps instead.

I doubt Elon Musk likes sitting in city council meetings with technologically ignorant politicians trying to explain how self-driving cars are going to be a real thing but he needs them to update street lights, signals, and so on.

I doubt Zucks enjoyed explaining the BASICS of Facebook to 75 year politicians who stare at their phone the way I stare at the sun.

But I mean if they’re doing it with billions of dollars in the bank, what’s our excuse? You don’t have time to walk into your local official’s office once in six months because your so busy…cursing an inanimate street light?

People in Indiranagar (a trendy area in Bangalore filled with pubs) always complain about the noise, thanks to a million pubs that open up there daily. But whether you agree with it or not, the cops shut those pubs down or keep changing rules because those people are constantly on their heads to keep it down.

And you know why that gets done?

Because as of now, there’s no app to block out the noise.

How to be a stand up comedian in India

How to Do Stand Up Comedy

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In this post, I’m going to explain how to have a stand-up comedy career in America or Australia or India (although the advice applies anywhere) and things you need to know AFTER you start getting on stage and have written a few jokes. If you haven’t even begun or are wondering how to do stand up comedy for the first time, I suggest you attend an open mic and then come back here. It’s a long post, but considering it’s the most viewed post on this site I guess we’re onto something. Thanks, friends.

Never tried comedy?: See How to Write a Joke for Stand Up

I’ve been doing comedy across the world for years. having started in Orange County and Los Angeles, California.

Two years ago I wrote about the mistakes I see newer comedy market comedians (Singapore, Thailand, India, Malaysia) make all the time.

Sanjay Manaktala BBC
On the internet you cross borders, literally.

While a lot of that stuff seemed obvious in 2016 to a comic in LA or NYC, it was received well here and I got tons of questions from comics all over the world.  Hell, some of those same comics who commented on that post are now doing great things.

Regardless, I was cleaning up my website and realized it’s been a while since I talked about standup comedy in ANY COUNTRY, what I’m seeing, what I think is happening and what my predictions will be on the trends and where I think it’s going.

how to do stand up comedy in india for the first time
Spoiler Alert: The audience is more important than your dumb Tinder story. Make them happy with original content and you’ll be happy.

If you’re interested please read on and I’m always more than happy to hear your feedback in the comments and/or social media.

I will discuss a few things that are India specific as I currently live here, but rest assured all of this will be helpful in kickstarting your comedy journey wherever you live.

I regularly do spots in NYC//SF/LA/Singapore/Hong Kong/Canada/Amsterdam and can tell you that comics are pretty much the same in any scene. Yes, New York sets are tighter, UK folks like dark humor, yada yada…but the business of comedy and the hustle are pretty much the same.

You have to be a sick individual to put yourself through this career.

Ok, I kid. This is comedy right?

I think engineering or medicine will be less painful, but ok, up to you.

We’re all trying to figure out how to write the perfect stand up comedy routine and more importantly (after you do a few mics you’ll know)…how to get people to watch it.

Regardless, no way are comedians more alike than, for most newcomers, instead of just going to an open mic and eating a fat one, they probably look for tips online on how to be a stand-up comedian in India or the UK or whatever.

So on that note, since you’re here…time some bitter truths.

LET’S GO!

1. You need to do Open Mics, they will get worse, and that’s OK.

As Indians, we often have a build first, think later mentality.

We see a formula for a movie or sketch or microbrewery or restaurant or app and we copy it and assume it will work. We bring it here and do it faster and cheaper.

With open mics, I’ve noticed (even my own advice) that the Book My Show listings have gotten out of hand. Everybody is listing an event…but, to be honest, that’s ok.

Comics need stage time and a normal byproduct of that is that audiences will get confused. “This show is Rs.150, but this one is Rs. 499 and the same comic is on both. Wait, what? What’s a trial show?!?”

Ahhh, finally we’ve arrived. This is a good problem to have.

As the years’ march on and comedy continues to grow, I hope people realize as in Europe and the US that just having a show isn’t good enough.

You need to make videos almost daily these days. The sitcom on a major studio days are over, time to play digital (when you’re ready).

Art takes effort and it’s dirty, unpolished and embarrassing. Comedians are the only ones who have to practice in public.

To stand out from the noise as a comedian and still be able to “practice your instruments”, you need to build something special so audiences can always be guaranteed a good time because that’s what they care about.

How to Organize a Good Open Mic so You’ll actually write a good stand up comedy routine?

Why do some comedians rise faster than others? It’s quite simple, they get on stage more. In fact, some comics I know get on stage more in a month than other comics get on in a year.

Who’s gonna do better?

So How do you start an open mic?

  • Invest in a brand, like “the South Indian Comedy Club.” that you can do in various cities or pubs.
  • Make a property like Tequila Tuesday Comedy Nights at Toit BrewPub (fictional example)
  • Differentiate your show, give free stuff, encourage audience participation, make a comedian have a beer before he goes up, read live tweets, whatever.
  • Focus on more audience, not more comedians. The comics will come…oh they’ll come.
  • Take good photos or videos of the crowd, ensure you’re maintaining a good FB page or IG.
  • Build buzz, pass flyers, make a FB event, learn how to market yet not spam.
  • Invite friends, walk on the pavement and pass out flyers an hour before the gig, put in the groundwork.
  • There is no stand-up comedy template, and existing joke structures like rule-of-3 and such are helpful in the beginning…but the closest thing you’ll get to a stand-up comedy template is the points above.
  • If you run a good room, you will GET GOOD FAST because you have 20 minutes of stage time a week that YOU OWN and *drumroll* a REAL AUDIENCE.

For the love of God, play upbeat music for the 30 minutes your audience is settling into the venue. Anyone who goes up to silence and doesn’t know how to set the tone for the room deserves to bomb.

If you build it they will still come but make sure you BUILD IT TO LAST.

Nobody gives a shit that you got a coffee shop to give you a corner room.

dating advice india nice guys finish last

What are you doing to make sure an audience comes?

Why are you buying a coffee/beer to an empty venue and a wasted evening instead of putting that 300 INR in FB ads to promote it?

Why are seven comics standing by the door smoking cigarettes when they should be inside filling up seats, so the people who do peek inside to see if they should join don’t get intimidated by an empty venue and 7 strangers?

I mean if you don’t value your time, why would an audience member?

SA Aravind and me discussing stand up comedy and writing and of course ego is the frenemy.

2. the Low Hanging Viral Comedy Fruit is finally getting scarce.

I think most of us who started in the last eight years got a little lucky in that we got views on jokes which were probably not the most inventive, it’s just nobody had ever heard that stuff on stage before.

Indian mothers (I’m guilty) are like this, Flying is like that, Punjabis and Gujus are this way, Engineers are virgin, etc….. Now that the views have come and gone, you’re going to see that just putting a stand-up clip where you kill in a crowd isn’t enough. It has to offer a more personal point of view, more unique, AND crush as hard as the generosity of all the applause breaks of years passed. AND let’s be honest…do you really REALLY care that Delhi is so different from Mumbai?

I’m not saying don’t talk about your Mom, I’m just saying tell us a story, make it specific, and really think about if anybody else could tell the same story.

Also, one thing I’ve learned watching those who have really done well digitally the last few years, you HAVE TO BE consistent. (I wish I followed my own advice).

A million views on one video in a month can actually be worse than 250K views on 4 videos, 4 weeks in a row.

Try to write about things you haven’t seen anybody discuss on any YouTube videos before, and if you’re getting laughs, you’re on the right track.

3. Newer Comedians Need to Remember to live their lives

I know comics complain.

Man don’t we all.

In a country where it only matters that you did better than your neighbor…we compare…a LOT.

In fact, watch any cricket match at a bar and listen to the conversations around you. Many Indian businessmen are people who will never follow their dreams so they need to compare those who are following theres to feel better.

Sachin/Virat, Federer/Nadal and just one year in your comedy journey someone will say “He is trying to be a Russell Peter.”

Singular. Peter.

You know every comedian you see on Netflix has heard that last line?

It can get ugly.

I compare myself to myself. And I miss having less gray hair.

If I could shake myself in 2010 I’d say just focus on what you’re doing, not checking Facebook to see who is doing what.

I always tell people,

“if comics wrote even 5% of the time they complained, they’d have nothing to complain about because that 5% would get them a new hour every year.”

Newer comics ask me how I write, or what the principles of writing and performing stand up comedy are.

Principles? Huh?

I get it, you’re looking for any bit of ted talk wisdom to give you the secret sauce, but like bro…don’t steal jokes and try to write for 10 minutes a day about anything.

Even if it’s just 5 bullet points in your phone. Because that’s more than most.

But after you figure basic joke structure from watching 10 comedians and analyzing it 100 times with ur other open micers…all I can tell you is….

LIVE YOUR LIFE!

Instead of reading every tweet, or every insider blog or industry whispers….maybe, just maybe…spend that time hanging out with friends outside of comedy, go to the gym, take a walk, chill with your girlfriend or boyfriend…and DO STUFF.

Your audience does exactly that and they’re the one you need to relate to remember?

If you don’t go to the gym like they do, go on dates like they do, watch the shows they do, work like they do, unwind like they do…what exactly will you have to say to them?

4. Stand Up Comedy is WAY MORE than JUST being on stage, especially in 2019

One thing even I’ve changed my viewpoint on, and maybe I’m channeling my inner Gary Vee, is that the industry has changed across the world.

Going “Viral” in an age of constant scrolling doesn’t mean anything anymore. Hell, even this blog post might get a few head nods before the readers move on to something else.

Where’s that link to HOW TO DO DSLR PHOTOGRAPHY IN 2019 when you need it?

As comedians especially in India I still see so many people spending 5 hours around attending an open mic (traffic, hanging out, performing, eating, going home) and that whole time was simply in service of 10 minutes on stage.

WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO IN THOSE 5 HOURS?

Were you learning video editing, PhotoShop, planning a podcast (and I mean actually scripting one), planning your social media posts for the week, writing a book maybe?

I’m not saying you won’t get famous just off of stand up, but I’m saying for most of us, you really need to stretch your creative muscles far beyond what you’re currently doing.

And you know I’m right.

Everything you do should be in service of getting on stage, don’t get me wrong.

developer meme
You’ll need to practice making memes like this. They will get better with time tho.

The right clip or sketch or content gets you to the front of the line, but I wish comedians didn’t look down on social media people that are hustling in their own right.

If you can figure out social media, having a stand-up comedy background…the world is your oyster.

A YouTuber can’t do stand up, but a stand up who kills at YouTube has a very lucrative career.

Now to depress you even more:

Skills a Stand Up Comedian also needs in 2019

  • Video Editing
  • Motion Graphics
  • Podcasting
  • Social Media Marketing
  • Screenwriting
  • Blogging (Hi!)
  • Basic Web Design
  • Public Speaking
  • Story Telling
  • Copyrighting
  • Advertising
  • SEO
  • Digital Marketing
  • DSLR Film Making
  • YouTube Film Making (yes they’re different)
  • VLogging
  • Improvisation
  • Stage Production
  • Event Management
  • Crowd Control
  • Oh…and you also have to be great at writing jokes.

Amazon: the Podcast Recorder you Need to Also Record Live Sets

It’s midway through 2019 and trust me things have changed.

And in 2020 they might change again.

A lot of you have Instagrams and Facebook’s but don’t even have a website or a simple “Email me for Bookings” link.

WHAT THE FU*K!?!?!

5. Gatekeepers don’t really exist. Your content is the gate. ANYBODY can get 1M views online.

Any open mic in this country has comics discussing who got what show, what special, what deal, what video, etc…

Let me tell you something.

Even some of the comedians who have Amazon or Netflix specials might be broke (not just in India).

And many comics who don’t have those specials are doing just fine.

I have no clue who this kid is or if that’s even a real audience or mp3 laughter. But good for him, and this shows you the market is WIDE open.

It’s nice to be in a group or in an agency, but ultimately, your value is not dictated by any organization.

All you have to do is have some clever bits succeed (that’s the hard part) and then build a following online (that’s the harder part) and then consistently monetize that following (the hardest part).  

Renting an auditorium or recording more sketches will come super easy once you’ve done that. 

Sure it’s nice to get on a show or be in front of a crowd but every single comedian has performed for 5000 one night and 5 the next. 

You’re in it for the long haul right?

NEVER let yourself think “If this comedian just gave me this opportunity” I’d be fine.

Once you get 5M views on your own video without that comedian’s help, he’ll be asking to be on your show.

6. Even the Best Stand Up Comedians Need to Take More Risks and Fail

Some of my good friends and hilarious/viral comedians are absolutely horrible at being funny on Instagram.

They can tell the jokes on stage, but beyond that, they really don’t do much. And trust me, they’re not too busy to learn the other skills. They just are banking on stand up, and that’s fine.

But at the same time, our industry in this country is putting its eggs in one basket.

Comics across the world are minting money on writing for ads, doing podcasts, handling corporate training, running their own rooms (even after getting famous).

Why aren’t we?

You were 35 when you started doing stand up, now at 45 you can’t talk into a mic on your laptop to discuss a few things?

Advice: You can work at Infosys and still become a famous comedian. Plus you’ll have a well-rounded life.

In fact, one great thing I see now is comics who have been protecting their position of “experience” now realizing newcomers are outshining them in a matter of a year or two.

As stage time gets more scarce I hope I see my fellow older comics (many of whom are now much more successful than me) continue to mentor, to blog, to write, to fail publicly and do things other than protecting an image they don’t realize they once weren’t so protective of. I love watching old Bill Burr clips, of him, even after he made it driving around and just rambling and seeing it peak at 20K views. And you know what, he didn’t give a fU*k.

7. Ego is the Enemy

One of the worst parts about the comedy boom, or any boom, is a lot of people attribute having luck with having talent. I’m sure it was true for the Gold Rush or the Dot Com Boom, and I’m sure it’s true for our Indian comedy boom.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m friends with all the comics we love and know, but I’ve had my own personal friends/colleagues act pricey with me for no reason. I even had a comic who I spent hours editing a video for, when he was fairly new, then tell me years later he doesn’t want to do my podcast cause “he’s not doing podcast these days.”

But that’s fine man.

I learned many years ago that you shouldn’t expect anything from anyone and everybody is going through their own struggles and way of doing things. 

So if you’re running a room and a lot of comics burn up your stage but never get YOU on another stage, that’s ok.

Just keep doing you.

If you helped somebody get famous, congratulations on guiding that person to whatever their destiny was meant to be. You’re lucky you’re in a country where even a shitty open mic gets 10 people, so just please count your blessings and keep moving forward. 

And if another 20 kids email you asking for advice…don’t be a dick, stop stalking that girl on Instagram and try to reply once in a while to people who can do nothing for you. Don’t go out of your way, but don’t be a jerk for no reason.

8. A Note on Indian Stand Up Comedy Earnings

Look…I get asked this question all the time and since four of you emailed me in the last 8 days asking, I’m jotting it down here.

Let me get one thing clear for those of you wondering how much Indian stand up comedians get paid.

Nothing for the first two to three years.

You hear me?

Sure, some comedians make 10K per show, a few make 10 lak per show, and a lucky few make much more.

August 2019: How Much Do Stand Up Comedians in India Earn or Make?

But as with anything in life, if it were that easy, everybody would be doing it. In reality, if you expect money out of this you will burn out and quit much earlier.

Pro Tip: Don’t expect to get paid for your first three years, and if you keep a clear head with that, you’ll probably start making 3-5K per show after a few.

CONCLUSION aka my big Closer

ALSO: How Do I Get More Stage Time?

ALSO: Ten Mistakes Indian Stand Up Comics Made

ALSO: Who or What Enables your Mediocrity?

So yeah, that’s about it for now.

I run this room in Bangalore. The room is for the crowd, not for you. Tell them it’s starting in 15 minutes, take their feedback, as for video testimonials, and share their photos on social media.

I’m happy to see the market increasing, but I’m sure I speak for most comics when I say…all of us…beginner to veteran…could do a lot more than we’re currently doing. And if you’re new to comedy, you can get years ahead in a matter of months if you just PUT IN THE TIME, and EFFORT.

  • WRITE.
  • PERFORM.
  • STAY AWAY FROM DRAMA.
  • PUT DOWN THE BEER.
  • REPEAT.

Comedians make a living on calling out people who could do better.

Unfortunately I wish we did that to the mirror to.

So get to it.

Sanjay Manaktala is one of the top stand up comedians in India who started building the comedy community in the country back in 2010. Since then his stand up comedy videos and podcasts have helped millions laugh or get motivated. His latest effort is the Birdy Num Num podcast, helping you learn creativity in life after engineering. You can learn about Sanjay here or check out his YouTube channel here.

indian mama's boy

Indian Men Are Mama’s Boys and How To Stop It

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Can A Mother’s Love Cause Harm?

If you’re struggling in your marriage with a tough mother-in-law this article might help you too ladies.

The modern Indian man is an interesting specimen.  

A good portion of us fit very nicely into a neatly packaged box.  

We grew up humble, studied and worked our way to a stable lifestyle, had a girlfriend or two, and now checklist our way through life’s remaining milestones.  

Listen if you don’t want to read.

We each also have families that are far from perfect, but typically have far tighter bonds thanks to those same imperfections.  One family might have the alcoholic uncle, another the shady businessman relative while another the drug-abusing nephew.  

But regardless of each family’s “oh that thing they’re known for in gossip corners”, Indian culture, for the most part, is built on very strong family ties that stand the test of time to raise some pretty awesome people.  

And one of the staples of Indian family dynamics is, as you might have already guessed…the Indian Mother.

I remember growing up in California and having friends (aka white people) come to sleepover. Their moms would drop them off at 6 PM, we would eat Cheetos, play video games, and then their moms would pick them up at 10 AM the next day while the smell of Aloo Puri would be happily escorting them out of our house.  

Enjoy your pizza, Jason.

To them, it was a fairly routine hangout.  To me, I was shocked.  

Picture-615
  • How come their moms hadn’t called 50 times during the night?
  • Where were their snacks from home they might need in case our food wasn’t good or a tornado struck?  
  • Why did I call Jason’s mom “Carol” instead of “Auntie?!?”

As a kid, this constant looking after and affection was something I first resented (“Stop embarrassing me mom!”), then grew accustomed to (“Where’s my socks mom!”) and now in my 30s, is something I’m sort of juggling with.  

Desi Moms are the best and I have grown to respect and admire my own exponentially each year.  She loves my brother and I to death.  She treats her sons with a firm hand but only because she cares about us more than we can imagine.  

But how does one find their place in the universe after being treated like the center for so long? What do these “grown men” do when they enter the world and nobody cares?

That’s sort of where I am in life right now, and I’m curious if you are too.

ALSO: TOIT Owner on our relationship with Alcohol and Ourselves.

Why do our moms yell at our fathers for drinking too much, but think our girlfriends/wives are just stressing their precious boys if they think the same?  

How much love is too much, and how much is not enough?

It’s an interesting dilemma, and I wish I knew the answer.  They’re so many times when my mom stays with me (and I know I sound like a spoiled piece of shit) that I get upset she’s enabling me to take it easy because this is the age I need to get my ass in gear.  

Indian Mothers Hypocricy
#trueStory

Breakfast? Sure, but I should have made it myself.  

Oh, you’ll take care of the dishes? Thanks, mom, I’m gonna go relax and do important stuff like check Facebook.  

Or Tinder.  You’re the best.  

ALSO SEE: Who Enables Your Mediocrity?

While this is awesome (can’t lie), it indirectly enables a habit in each of us that may present problems later.  I unknowingly yell at my mom all the time about lost things around the house or “Yes, for the 50th time, I’ll eat outside and don’t make anything!” and she has never once pointed out this shouting.  (After which I’ll stumble home drunk, having forgotten to eat, and luckily she hears my cupboard banging and whips up something quick to eat).  

It’s nothing malicious and more out of our loving-shouting- communication habit, but good luck speaking in that same tone with your future partner.

How to Detach a Husband from His Mother?

You don’t. You simply show the husband that being a good son and being a good husband are two different things and it’s his job to balance both.

A girlfriend or wife who looks at you on your phone while the dishes are still sitting on the table isn’t gonna tolerate things the same way your mom did.  She might have also just sat in traffic, struggled at the office with her own politics and wants to veg out in food coma just like you.

But alas, that’s not always what beloved mama might think. In fact, the modern Indian mother in law is also, well…not so modern.

In fact I’ve seen couples where the guy stumbles home drunk and the mom looks at her daughter-in-law and says “How could you let him drink so much?”

Da Fuq?
Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 12.40.26 PM
I made this meme in 2016 but I feel it’s still apt here in 2048.

Learn to See Mom’s Bias

There are obviously 600 other things we could talk about, for the sake of simplicity, as you mature through life just try to keep this in the back of your head.  

I’m no psychiatrist but I’m assuming whatever Freud alluded to had merit for him to be so famous that I randomly cite him now.  None of us want to date our mom’s doppelgänger, but I think we can all fairly assume moms subconsciously program a certain expectation of how a woman “should be” that plays a part in our next phase of life.  

Will it repeat with our girlfriends/wives for the next generation and the future sons, or is the new modern family dynamic going to change that? Time will tell but recognize this as you get older.  

Your moms love you and you love them.  They love being there for us (it’s probably a need that goes both ways) and I’m so happy I was raised in a culture that instills family values I’m only now coming to fully appreciate.  But again, keep things in perspective as you go.  

Life is tough, and while you’re a rockstar at home you’ll eventually need to learn how to be a rockstar outside of it where Mom is not enabling you to be king of the castle.

hypocrite woke indian son
Mom material always works in India.

Mom Spoils the Son, then He Goes to Work and Realizes He’s Nothing

I remember at an office meeting years ago, a few clients were visiting from Canada and we got a last minute email that the client’s CEO was going to be joining.  

All of a sudden, ties were required.  No big deal.

One of the 40+ managers runs into my cubicle (I think I was 26 at the time) and he is visibly shaking.  Like Palms sweaty, knees deep, mom’s spaghetti. (Hey! Eminem Mom Pun!)   I look at him, sort of laugh (cause he looked like Milton from Office Space) and asked him what’s wrong?  

Sumukhi Suresh Mother Bias
Mothers can go from loving to sinister real quick.

He said he had no idea how to tie a tie, because (and I quote)…

”Mummy always did it.”

40 Year old IT Senior Manager

Tied his ties.

At 40.

So me, being the smart/suave US educated independent man I was, naturally did what any NRI who thinks he’s better would do.  I grabbed the tie with my American swagger, smiled at little bunty/puthar crying in the corner about his incomplete Windsor and saved the day by doing what I had been trained to do since college:

I googled it.

Hungry? What wait…grab a Punjabi mother.

CONCLUSION

There is nothing wrong with a family that cares for you, and caring for them back.  

The unwritten agreement in most Desi communities is the parents take care of you into adulthood, and you take care of them the rest of the way.  And that’s completely fine.  

But a lot of times we sort of overlook the major part of life that you and I are now headed.  I know many people aren’t fortunate enough to have parents that love them as much as some of us, and I will cherish my mom till my last breath.  

WhatsApp forward LOL. (Comment if you know source).

But I just wanted to discuss this because it’s something I see people dealing with.  (Also ladies, those of you who call mom or dad on every little adult problem, even at 40…we’ll get to you another day.)

As always, if you have something constructive to say please do so below.

Hugs to you and your mamas.  

And to my mom who raised us alone since I was 13, if you figured out your MacBook and are reading this, I love you.

And I’m hungry. But I’ll help myself.  

If you want to know more, we went straight into it at the thirty second mark a few years back.